Why I bought VCPR

It's true. Cabbies love Maurice Chavez!

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"What was your next one hundred percent legitimate business opportunity, Mr. Vercetti?
I bought Kaufman Cabs in Little Haiti. When I got there, the woman who ran the CB let me know pretty quickly that proprietors come and go in this line of work. She gave the "things are gonna change" speech I was supposed to. I got the feeling I'd have to fix this myself. Again! It turns out Kaufman and Vice City Cabs have some gang like qualities to them. They attack us, we beat them, repeat ad nauseam. So on and so forth."

"Let me guess, you attacked them without them getting revenge."

"Damn right. In their defense, they lured me into a trap. They used Mercedes' name as bait, and eight other cabs had an impromptu demolition derby. After I removed the guy in charge, the war ended. Go compare the revenue from then forward. I even made sure Kaufman became synonymous with quality by giving one hundred fares myself. It sucked, but now we're world famous for our jumping car drivers."

"According to the street cleaners guild, calls about vomit on the streets drastically increased."

"The average person can't handle flying cars."

(That's all I did on Wednesday, so the rest is from Thursday, smashed into one brief.)

"That wild statement aside, why were you elected best ambulance driver of 1986 in the middle of this hostile takeover?"

"Because I'm a damn good driver. Cars, helicopters, ambulances. You name it, I'm the best."

"But how did you get an ambulance?"

"I found it in an abandoned alley. Wanting to remind the city that I'm a fine, honorable man, I decided to save people."

"How much does that negate from your kills?"

"Minus ninety. I'm in the green now. Vice City is a dangerous place. There are a lot of fires too."

"Arson claims against you aren't common. How do you know about the fire problem if you did start them? You didn't start them, right?"

"Of course not. I was the one putting them out downtown."

"Let me guess, you found a fire engine in an alley?"

"Abandoned in a parking lot covered in dust. I took it around town and saved more people from their stupidity. I'm not saying Pastor Richards was correct, but a lot of people really need someone to tell them how to do things. Why does everyone in Vice City run away from the person trying to put a fire out? I have a water hose; stop running."

"So you've been running Vice City for thirty five years because everyone is dumb? Rather than remaining a benevolent overlord, you returned to your criminal ways, correct?"

"Oh yeah."

"The city registrar indicates you're the owner of the Valhalla Club near Washington Beach."

"I sold that years ago. When I did purchase it, it was still called the Malibu Club. We sold the best corn dogs there. Speaking of which..."