-----
"So you've taken over for Ricardo Diaz and now run Vice City. Was it a smooth transition of power?"
"Not really. It turns out Diaz did a lot of protection racketing. All the small businesses we ran stopped paying us when we took over, so I had to go shake them down. Rosenberg suggested we bribe them, which is one of the stupidest things he's ever said.
I first went to the North Point Mall and broke all the windows. They learned quickly that I'm in charge now! The next place was on Washington Beach. It turns out we had a rival protection group nearby. After a quick round of negotiations, where they tried to flee from, I managed to convince them to leave town...by boat."
"Mr. Vercetti, you appear as a person of interest in the police report. The police believed you and another person impersonated an officer."
"There was something another representative of my organization did that I needed to fix. Did Lance and myself pretend to be the police? Or course not. It was business that I needed to take care of, and I did."
"It was during a bomb investigation at the mall. Why was there a bomb at the mall?"
"Suxxx, if I knew why then I'd tell you. Fortunately, as I'm unable to answer that question. I'll remind you I don't know shit about a bomb."
"It was now that my client became a respectful business owner. He began to reinvigorate Vice City's commerce. Mr. Vercetti, what was the first place you bought!"
"Interglobal, the movie studio on Prawn Island."
"And what did you film at Interglobal?"
"Porn."
"He was a smut peddler!"
"It's legal, Suxxx. Hell, it's how I met your mother."
"Hey!"
"Shut up. Listen. There was no coercion; your mother's a whore and loved the work."
"Your Honor!"
"This is true, Alex. But Mr. Vercetti, stay on topic. How did you reenergize the city's studio?"
"The director, Steve Scott, was a bit too artsy for me. He had this thing about sharks and aliens. No one cares about plot in porn; it's all about the poontang! And don't even get me started on mashed potatoes. The first thing we needed was new stars. After getting the legendary Candy Suxxx from her manager, who was actually her pimp, I brought her in to work for us."
"My mother may have been a pornographer, but she wasn't a prostitute!"
"Look, man, I don't know the details of her past, but she became her own agent when she worked for Steve. Did I save her from that life? I don't know. All I know is she and Mercedes Cortez made magic on VHS. She has to do some of Steve's crap, but it worked. It took some special advertising, but it did work."
"Now listen here..."
"Suxxx! Mr. Vercetti, what do you mean by "special advertising"?"
"The first thing I did was drop posters for Bite through Vice City."
"You caused all that pollution?"
"Don't yell at your client, Ken."
"Those millions of paper caused the deaths of hundreds of fish, manatees, and sharks. Environmentalists blamed them for killing the coral reefs."
"It was legal in 86. Besides, the statute of limitations is only two years. And anything I did wrong was corrected when I blasted Candy's tits on the side of a building."
*a happy murmur from the men in the audience is audibly heard*
"Calm down, calm down! Creating porn in private is one thing, but you're taking credit for that obscene projection?"
"Sure did. They talked about it for ten years. Do people still try to recreate it?"
"Was there anything else you did this week?"
"I became famous for my racing skills."
"So that was you at the Hymen Stadium."
"My time at the dirtring was embarrassing, but my driving skills are quite good. They still are"
"You pulled a gun out and shot at opposing drivers."
"No one said I couldn't, and no one yelled at me for doing it."
"So all was well in Vercetti land?"
"Eh..."
"What hardships did you face during all this?"
"It was around this time when I noticed Lance start to change. He got upset a lot and thought I was demeaning him. I'm a person who demands perfection from his allies. If they mess up, they'll hear about it. I hope they'd do the same towards me. But he couldn't handle that. Our alliance started to show cracks."
"Care to elaborate?"
"Not at the moment. I also had Sonny down my back, too."
"You still hadn't paid him back?"
"Why should I have? I was trying to expand the business here. I couldn't afford to part with the capital. Sonny was an angry man, but he usually had a head for the long term plan. I eventually just decided to ignore him until I couldn't anymore. But that's the end of this story. I should tell you about the famous person I bought a legitimate business from first."
"That's a story for tomorrow. My courtroom members don't get paid enough for overtime."
-----
It turns out that the hidden package wasn't mission locked. So I got all 100, did the off road missions, the Hymen, and three of the vehicle missions. I'm actually gonna do this!?
"So you've taken over for Ricardo Diaz and now run Vice City. Was it a smooth transition of power?"
"Not really. It turns out Diaz did a lot of protection racketing. All the small businesses we ran stopped paying us when we took over, so I had to go shake them down. Rosenberg suggested we bribe them, which is one of the stupidest things he's ever said.
I first went to the North Point Mall and broke all the windows. They learned quickly that I'm in charge now! The next place was on Washington Beach. It turns out we had a rival protection group nearby. After a quick round of negotiations, where they tried to flee from, I managed to convince them to leave town...by boat."
"Mr. Vercetti, you appear as a person of interest in the police report. The police believed you and another person impersonated an officer."
"There was something another representative of my organization did that I needed to fix. Did Lance and myself pretend to be the police? Or course not. It was business that I needed to take care of, and I did."
"It was during a bomb investigation at the mall. Why was there a bomb at the mall?"
"Suxxx, if I knew why then I'd tell you. Fortunately, as I'm unable to answer that question. I'll remind you I don't know shit about a bomb."
"It was now that my client became a respectful business owner. He began to reinvigorate Vice City's commerce. Mr. Vercetti, what was the first place you bought!"
"Interglobal, the movie studio on Prawn Island."
"And what did you film at Interglobal?"
"Porn."
"He was a smut peddler!"
"It's legal, Suxxx. Hell, it's how I met your mother."
"Hey!"
"Shut up. Listen. There was no coercion; your mother's a whore and loved the work."
"Your Honor!"
"This is true, Alex. But Mr. Vercetti, stay on topic. How did you reenergize the city's studio?"
"The director, Steve Scott, was a bit too artsy for me. He had this thing about sharks and aliens. No one cares about plot in porn; it's all about the poontang! And don't even get me started on mashed potatoes. The first thing we needed was new stars. After getting the legendary Candy Suxxx from her manager, who was actually her pimp, I brought her in to work for us."
"My mother may have been a pornographer, but she wasn't a prostitute!"
"Look, man, I don't know the details of her past, but she became her own agent when she worked for Steve. Did I save her from that life? I don't know. All I know is she and Mercedes Cortez made magic on VHS. She has to do some of Steve's crap, but it worked. It took some special advertising, but it did work."
"Now listen here..."
"Suxxx! Mr. Vercetti, what do you mean by "special advertising"?"
"The first thing I did was drop posters for Bite through Vice City."
"You caused all that pollution?"
"Don't yell at your client, Ken."
"Those millions of paper caused the deaths of hundreds of fish, manatees, and sharks. Environmentalists blamed them for killing the coral reefs."
"It was legal in 86. Besides, the statute of limitations is only two years. And anything I did wrong was corrected when I blasted Candy's tits on the side of a building."
*a happy murmur from the men in the audience is audibly heard*
"Calm down, calm down! Creating porn in private is one thing, but you're taking credit for that obscene projection?"
"Sure did. They talked about it for ten years. Do people still try to recreate it?"
"Was there anything else you did this week?"
"I became famous for my racing skills."
"So that was you at the Hymen Stadium."
"My time at the dirtring was embarrassing, but my driving skills are quite good. They still are"
"You pulled a gun out and shot at opposing drivers."
"No one said I couldn't, and no one yelled at me for doing it."
"So all was well in Vercetti land?"
"Eh..."
"What hardships did you face during all this?"
"It was around this time when I noticed Lance start to change. He got upset a lot and thought I was demeaning him. I'm a person who demands perfection from his allies. If they mess up, they'll hear about it. I hope they'd do the same towards me. But he couldn't handle that. Our alliance started to show cracks."
"Care to elaborate?"
"Not at the moment. I also had Sonny down my back, too."
"You still hadn't paid him back?"
"Why should I have? I was trying to expand the business here. I couldn't afford to part with the capital. Sonny was an angry man, but he usually had a head for the long term plan. I eventually just decided to ignore him until I couldn't anymore. But that's the end of this story. I should tell you about the famous person I bought a legitimate business from first."
"That's a story for tomorrow. My courtroom members don't get paid enough for overtime."
-----
It turns out that the hidden package wasn't mission locked. So I got all 100, did the off road missions, the Hymen, and three of the vehicle missions. I'm actually gonna do this!?
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