A Gozar Con Mi Cajones

"Mr. Vercetti, our reports indicate that the number of murders and police deaths attributed to you more than doubled over the next few weeks. Why is that?"

"Because I killed them."

"Was there a reason?"

"Because I got paid."

"By who?"

"Uh...by god?"

"..."

"I did some really rad jumps on a bike during this time, too."

*The jury nods in agreement.*

"What hand, if any, did you have in escalating the gang wars between the Cubans and the Haitians?"

"The Cuban leader confused me with Leo or Mr. Teal, the chef. He offered me a job even though I told him I wasn't. He did that about a month ago, and I finally showed up. The man has a large interest in cajones and, as the kids say, toxic masculinity. Before I worked for him, he wanted me to show my piloting skills with a boat. He never asked me to do it again, so I don't know why. Afterwards, he got real pissed off and called me two faced."

"Did you work for the Haitians?"

"No."

"There are police reports and eyewitnesses from the El Banko Corrupto that confirm you drove a voodoo, ran drugs, and shot at Cubans."

"I don't remember any of that."

"You've been upfront with your war crimes so far. Why change now?"

"I'm telling you, you prick, that I never worked for the Haitians. I don't know what you're referencing, but it has nothing to do with me. But I have occasionally gotten a phone call from a woman with a Haitian accent telling me to avoid Little Haiti. I've never understood what it meant. Can I get back to the story?"

"Go ahead."

"So, you're gonna love this. It ends with the destruction of a drug farm. The Cubans wanted to shut down the Haitian plant, so we raided it. We only hijacked their van, but we'd return later. It wasn't all wins. The Haitians got the Cuban number two, Rico, when they ambushed our ambush on Starfish Island. But we took out their runners. After this, we blew up the plant altogether. We snuck our way in with their gang cars, which might be what the reports from earlier referenced. When we got in, we shot our way deeper in, planted bombs, and ran like hell."

"The heroin arrests did drop during this period. Even though it was through illicit means, even the Butcher can be of use. I wonder what you could have done had you used your talents for good."

"Whatever I wanted to do."

"Then something strange happens. By this point, you were worth nearly a billion dollars. Why did you rob small stores across town?"

Al"l this stuff with gangs, drugs, and running an empire starts to get to ya. I wanted to return to my roots, I guess."

"So you robbed fifteen stores for $2000 in total?"

"It wasn't about the money for once. It was just to make me think about simpler times. Which is probably why I brought the print works in Havana. Little did I know that that would lead to an upheaval of this whole thing. But that's the end of this tale, and it should be saved for when we have more time."

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Ninety six percent with four missions left. All the superfluous stuff is done, so it's time to end this. I'm glad I did this!