A new friend!

But let's beat up the cops first!

Captain Strong, the police chief, has called us in. We did, technically, trespass, so our punishment is a bit of police brutality. Sorta... Strong thinks we deserve an award, so Ness requests access to Twoson, where Paula lives. He doesn't think we're up to the task, so he challenges us to a fight. But we need to go through his lackeys first. We have to run a gauntlet with no ability to heal between battles. At level twelve, I could defeat them in two rounds. Only Strong has a special attack, but I didn't experience it. I used Shield to raise my defense (I think) and PSI Lucy to get through his. It took three turns, and the only trouble I had with this whole section was the crit from the first nobody. But with our victory, Captain Strong calls the guards to let us pass.

The road to Twoson is south. It's a straight path filled with mushrooms. These guys are kinda scary because they can afflict you with a unique status effect: mushroomize. This places a mushroom on your head and messes with your controls. It can also confuse you in battle, so visit a hospital if you get it. Along the road is a house filled with exit mice. These guys act like escape ropes from Pokémon, so it's worth keeping one.

Word in Twoson is Paula has been kidnapped. A fat kid and someone with a mask took her from the kindergarten she helps run. Before exploring, visit the large department store. At the top is a new hat, and the farmers market, Burglin Park, has a new bracelet. While in the park, a strange dude is overlooking the place. This is Everdread. He jumps off the roof and fights us. It's an easy battle because he "sprained his ankle" in the fall. He's now on our side and confirms that the local cult has kidnapped Paula and taken her to their commune to be a sacrifice.

Elsewhere in town are two inventors, Apple Kid and Orange Kid. We can donate $200 to each of them for exclusive access to their newest inventions. Apple Kid was a waste, but Orange Kid hands us the Pencil Eraser. This'll be helpful later, but a mouse gives us a phone that we can receive calls with. When you're ready, go east.

Peaceful Rest Valley is home to plants, trees that explode when defeated, aliens, and robots. The robots are terrifying, but the aliens are an easy source of a lot of exp. Make sure to kill the trees last to take advantage of the HP odometer mechanic. The "gimmick" here is the iron pencil that blocks our path further east. But Orange Kid's invention gets rid of it.

Eventually, you'll reach the village of Happy Valley. The religion, Happyism, believes that painting everything blue will bring happiness to the world. Earthbound is a strange game. There's a room we can use for $50 in the southwest next to the blue cow. There's another store in the northeast that sells a new bat. What's more fun are the insane cultists in the south. I could kill these guys in two hits, and they give over 300 exp on defeat. And they barely do any damage! They like to call in reinforcements, so you can quickly attain 1000 exp in one battle. I think I got to level sixteen or so.

But the destination is through a cave just west of the store. It takes you to a lone hut surrounded by crows that we still can't auto win. Inside is a girl in prison. This is Paula. She tells us to defeat the Happy cult leader, Carpaintet. He has the key. As we leave, she warns us Carpainter can summon lightning. Paula gives us the Franklin Badge, which reflects lightning. Waiting for us is Porky!? He's joined the cult and quickly became a high ranking member. But he's still a coward, so he sicks his cultists on us.

In the house in the middle of town are the most sprites you can jam into one area in a SNES game. A few can be spoken to create a path to the otherside of the room. Go through there to find Mr. Carpainter. A golden Manu-Manu statue, similar to the one Liar had... Anyway, the Franklin Badge negates the lightning and actually makes it harm the boss. This battle is easy. Carpainter returns to normal and disbands the cult. He gives us the key to Paula's cell, and we let her out. She joins our team, so I head back to town to equip her. Her poor teddy bear doesn't make it back... Sadly, the exp cultists are gone, so we'll have to settle for the ufos. I visit Paula's kindergarten, Everdread, and get her the best gear she can have at the moment. Everdread also gave us $10000 to use (we can't) and wanted to see Liar's statue. But there was an NPC that told us about the Liliput Steps east of Happy Valley, so we'll check that out...

...tomorrow!

Paula is the black mage, and she should be in Smash instead of Ness.