Pig boy

"Dear Zelda,

The Tower of Ganon is an eight floor abomination. It’s filled with monsters I've killed before, but there’s something about this place that changed them. Everyone seemed harder. Fighting for their last grasp of existence? But I conquered them all. It’s, of course, filled with traps. And this time it’s traps on traps. Moving floors and laser shooting statues make tor a neigh impossible task. But I conquered them all. There are plenty of invisible platforms, pitfalls, and teleport puzzles. But I conquered them all. It’s a maze of spiraling walls, fire pit tricks, and bone throwing skeletons. But I conquered them all. It contained three bosses I had already felled. But I conquered them all. It took all four fairies I had brought with me, and I reached Anaghny with the last bit of strength I had. But I conquered them all. Anathema stood no chance again the Master Sword. In his last gasp of life, he transformed into a bat and led me straight to Ganon himself.

He was hiding in the Gold Pyramid the whole time! Even if I could have fought him sooner, I couldn’t have won. Ganon is a massive Boar Demon with overwhelming power. He wields a pitchfork, fire magic, teleportation, and control over the darkness itself! If it wasn’t for the upgraded armor I found in the tower, I would have died. At first, all he did was try to stab me. When his fork aline didn't work, he sent firebirds of immense power to burn me. And, finally, he turned the world black. I was able to light the fire pits to see, but hitting him was a different story. Somehow, he nullified the Master Sword’s power! Well, most of it. All it could do was freeze the demon. Had I not met the Fat Fairy, ironically just beneath us now, Ganon would be ruling both worlds. Those Silver Arrows were his weakness! Always trust in the Great Fairies, Zelda. We owe them so much!

With me down to my last ounce of strength, I let an arrow fly. It landed right between the eyes of our enemy, and I defeated the foul beast! His death blew open a hole in the wall to reveal the Triforce. The Triforce grants wishes. The stronger the users will, the more powerful its effects. Ganon took hold of it before, and that's what started this whole mess. But this time, I grasped it in my hands, and it recognized me and granted my wish. As for that wish...

Zelda, I don’t know what’s to come of us, but the world is as it should be. Your father reigns again. Sara has returned to the village. The ocarina boy and his father are a happy family, once more. Everyone who Ganon killed is back: the priest, the lumberjacks, and my uncle. It’s incredible, Zelda.

I’m sorry I missed the celebration, but I had to venture back to the Lost Woods. The Master Sword should only be wielded in times of strife, and it's now peacetime. It’s finally peaceful, Zelda. And we own all of that the many people of Hyrule. My uncle, the witch, Sara, all the people in Kakariko Village, and the blacksmiths. Even the ocarina boy, the bug catcher, and whoever the bomb kid was. To say nothing of the Great Fairies and the seven maidens. Thank you, Zelda. I couldn’t have done this without you. Let’s enjoy the peace and quiet.

- Link"

Moratorium tomorrow.