Kongs Kounter

Donkey Kong was awoken by his grandfather, Cranky, with bad news. After noticing his missing banana horde, the same horde Diddy failed to defend, Donkey burst out of his tree house, freeing his tiny cousin from the barrel the Kremlings stuffed him in. This would be a common theme between the gorillas on their ascent to the top of Kong Island.

Through their initial trek through Kong Jungle, they made easy work of the large number of Kremlings in their home. We discovered that the apes had befriended a rhino, a foe no crocodile could withstand. Several rooms where the Kongs held backup bananas were also easily opened to refill the apes' addiction to ascorbic acid.

Night quickly fell upon the island, and a strong storm came with it. But the gorillas were determined to regain their beloved bananas. The downpour of rain couldn't stop them as they swung from rope to rope across the jungle canopy. Nor could the snakes and vultures who joined the karrion krew.

Cranky had made his way to his cabin and offered some kind of advice... Something about too many buttons? Real boomer humor...

They then went through a long cave system filled with large, obese reptiles and snakes. Another new friend, a frog, aided them.

And then we learned the Kongs are amphibious and can breathe underwater. They swam through a deep pool for some time, fending off sharks and fish the whole time. They were saved by a swordfish.

Candy Kong gave them more aid, and Funky Kong showed them his airplane. It did not aid.

Kong Island is home to many an explosive barrel. This penultimate area made the Kongs' trip an aerial adventure.

Their final stop in the jungle was guarded by a six-foot-tall rat, Very Gnawty. Donkey stepped on his head a bunch and regained one sixth of his horde. The Kong's counter offensive had begun to bear fruit!


The next destination for the Kongs was a cliff that proved humans once lived on the island, as several mines were in the area. Monkey Mines would end up being a lot of fun, and the gorillas spent considerable time monkeying around these levels.

First up was a series of abandoned scaffolding. The apes freed a large frog from captivity that easily squashed the giant bees. Apparently, frogs feel no pain when landing the spikey bodes of the enormous apisi.

The next mine was a rollercoaster! But it was a very dilapidated and deadly one. Many rail lines have fallen, and those that remained were guarded by Kremlings going backwards on the lines. Clearly, safety was not established by the local carnies.

They then made their way through a tire graveyard. And they're monkeys, so...

The next mine was still powered, but only slightly. The apes had to press switches to get through, but clay demons roamed the darkness. Were these guys aligned with the Kremlings or natural disasters?

After checking in with their friends, they found an old temple presumably built by the forgotten humans. The biggest threats, besides the pitfalls, were the rats in their giant wheels.

Guarding the exit was a giant vulture who appeared to only be a head and neck. And that's why they call it Necky! Like so many others, it had a soft skull.


Vine Valley, which isn't actually a valley but a forest sat atop the cliff, tested all the apes should have learned by now. The Kremlings acted as they always had, but the ropes moved horizontally, and the Kongs needed to scale up and down the ropes to avoid vultures and bees. Greg thought about watching Geroge in the Jungle after this, and that's why we set him out to sea.

The Kremlings had either built a tree top town here or invaded another species' home. But the Kongs launched themselves through much of it.

They quickly moved through a third stage before finding themselves at another temple. This time, the rats in their wheel gave chase!

More canopies needed to be climbed and/or flown over with the help of another animal ally, an ostrich. Traitorous gorillas flung barrels at the Kongs throughout. The team wondered if these were the inhabitants of the previous village who had a vendetta against the Kongs. Perhaps a multi generational feud had emerged at one point in the past? Regardless, we weren't paid to investigate and quickly burned any possible evidence. We ain't got time for that!

A cwm is beyond that filled with raging octopuses.

Queen B, a wasp, had a weakness of wooden barrels. Sadly, her fetish appeared to be those same wooden barrels she had an endless supply of in her sky cave. Not even turning red could save her.


The Kongs reached the summit of Kong Island, Gorilla Glacier. The snowpack was deep, temperate cold, and ice slippery.

Many explosive barrels kept the apes from sliding to their doom.

But the slick ropes inside the crystal cave were only a hindrance. How did the bees survive this cold? Penelope had a theory, but she froze to death, and we totally didn't eat her.

Swinging ropes were a welcome sight compared to the icy ground, but a powerful snowstorm rolled into the island.

Somehow, the water wasn't frozen, but it was filled with more squid! Where's your theories now, Penny?!

Another animal companion held a light in these dark mines. It was short, and Diddy had a terrible time against the buff and sexy crocodiles.

We can't tell you anything that happened because the blizzards created whiteout conditions.

The zombified form of Very Gnawty failed to protect against the strange factory below them.

It was about this time that the remains of the team noticed a pirate ship getting closer to the island. The Kongs would soon learn that they only defeated the first wave of scouts of the Kremlings. The worst was yet to come...

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I'm up to sixty percent, and the blizzard gave me a headache. My whole plan is ruined, and this is why I'm sunsetting daily uploads. I suck...