"For twenty eight years, we have watched and studied the gorillas who reside on Kongo Bongo Island. They are the descendants of the ape that kidnapped the superstar and future mayor of New Donk City, Pauline. We have been watching them ever since out of fear that they would try again. We took notes on several apes, or Kongs, through the nearly three decade observation.
Funky Kong: an ape capable of creating a short ranged airplane. He also loves to surf.
Candy Kong: a tall, sultry she-ape.
Cranky Kong: the gorilla who broke free of Jumpman Mario and was the inciting incident of our lives.
Dixie Kong: a blonde she-ape who had no bearing on this story.
Kiddy Kong: a being rumored to exist.
And then there's Chonky; he's dead.
There was also an assortment of other animals who aided the Kongs in this journey. We weren't paid to report on them, so we didn't name them.
But there were two Kongs, in particular, who made a name for themselves on this mountain.
We named the large one Donkey because he reminded Emily of a mule. He is a large and imposing gorilla capable of creating localized earthquakes by smashing his hands onto the ground. His weight appeared to be quite heavy as he easily squashed many of his enemies.
His cohort was a much smaller ape named Diddy because freakin' Greg won the straw draw and is a big fan of Bo Diddley but is too stupid to spell his last name correctly. Diddy is far more agile than Donkey and enjoys chaining cartwheels into his foes. He's much lighter and bounces off of larger creatures.
As we watched, they did nothing of note. That is, until one day...
The Kremlings sieged the island, stealing all of the ape's cherished bananas. The Kongs were able to come together to fend off the potentially racist crocodiles, whose excessive usage of the letter "k" made us worry. The pirate porosus pilfered the beloved potassium, and the peeved primates wouldn't let them get away with it!
And this is their story:..."
I'm playing Donkey Kong Country with the intent of getting 101 percent in it. It's another journey I started before I had a decent understanding of how to read, so consider this an even more advanced Earthbound saga.
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