This is not a stealth game.

And I hate that!

Metal Gear Solid quickly became a standard for the stealth genre. It paved the way for deep stories, characters, and other mechanics. From stealth to action, MCs to secondaries, and even villains shine! But none of that worked for me.

Solid Snake sneaks his way into an isolated military camp on Shadow Moses Island, Alaska, that's currently occupied by a terrorist organization. Snake is here to keep FOXHOUND, a rouge US Military mercenary group, from firing a nuclear weapon. During this event, he discovers a woman named Meryl, his CO's niece, along with an assortment of other interesting characters. Along with FOXHOUND units, the voices in Snake's head...codex are brilliantly thought up people. As he makes his way through the facility, shadows of his past show up to haunt him once more.

Snake can infiltrate in a number of ways. He can hide behind, under, and out of sight from the soldiers and cameras, or he can try to shoot his way through. Regardless of how he handles the grunts, he'll need to deal with the high ranking soldiers of FOXHOUND by explosive means.

And that's where I start to have issues. I assumed MGS was a stealth game. You could play the entire game without being spotted and be rewarded for it, including bosses. I was wrong. Every named character must be faced in some brand of head-to-head conflict. All of these fights were also boring. You're either chasing around someone or standing in place. It's the repetition that made me bored. There's also a handful of areas where the common rabble will spot you, no matter what. Killing them is oddly tedious, not satisfying, nor does it even matter. I probably shouldn't have done this, but I compared MGS to Dishonored a lot. The way Dishonored deals with full stealth and murders has weight on gameplay and plot. In Metal Gear Solid, though, it means nothing. Considering you're obligated to kill people, it's best it shouldn't. But therein is another flaw.

And when you do open fire, aiming kinda sucks. You get a red dot sight, but controlling it can be cumbersome. For starters, you can't move. Snake grows roots when he shoots. And enemies have i-frames when they fall down and get back up. So the automatic gun is totally worthless!

The story and characters are a cool part of Metal Gear, but I found them too much. Snake's primary character trait is being a cold womanizer, which is novel, I guess. His sidekick exists through random exposition. And many of his codex cohorts do, too. And they all have an assortment of twists that they're involved in. Hideo Kojima sure loves his plot twists. It's almost comical how many there are in such a short time. There's even a twist that undos a twist. So much point!

The rest of this can be a summary, so let's get to the numbers.

Plot: why? Snake is rad enough, as are the members of FOXHOUND. But even M Night Shyamalan would suggest cutting back on big reveals. Too many just dilutes the product, and they become meaningless. Also, the final boss dies four times... 5/10

Gameplay: repetitive. Either use of the questionable sneaking mechanics or the terrible shooting plays. There are also boring boss fights. They make the game uninteresting. 4/10

Art: the same. Everything looks the same. Walls, enemy soldiers, and...uh... The models look good, but the lack of faces throws me off. 3/10

Sound: the only thing MGS has for it. The voice acting, even by modern standards, is very good. The music works, and there's enough variety to give it points, even if it's because there are not THAT many tracks here. 10/10

Charm: whatever. The facility is boring, and I hated four of the eight hours it took me to beat the game. But the Codex crew are fun to interact with, the way so much commentates on your playstyle, and the multiple endings are good enough. 6/10

And now we've come to the negatives. There's a record amount here.
There's too much backtracking in this game. Need a sniper rifle to save someone? Go back to the start. Need to get warm or cold? Go back three spaces. It's tedious.
Snake sticks to walls too much. This is most notable during the terrible, awful, boring tower section.
Boss battles are too long and too boring.
Stealth is optional, but shooting isn't tun.
The amount of items you can collect is outrageous. It fills up your inventory and bogs down the menu when you need to find it.
If you die, the game makes you wait until your friend finishes screaming your name five seconds later. Just let me reload faster!
Finally, I had to redo a boss fight because saving is fishy. When you save, it only saves from when you entered the room. It doesn't keep what you did or found. So loading just takes you to when you changed maps. I'm giving this a negative two, but it should be more.

A few of those negatives could be overlooked if I was having fun. And some of it might be my fault. I was expecting a full stealth game, so I didn't kill anyone until late in the game and reset when a camera caught me. None of that mattered, and I felt it. And maybe don't play the game if you have the flu. Anyway, MGS's negatives total -17.

All of that makes for a final score of 11/50. I was flustered far too often and for way too many reasons. I did not have fun. The story was alright, but I learned it's just the same thing as Metal Gear II with new names. And Metal Gear II was just Metal Gear I with new names. And the twist to undo the last twist just makes a twit. Metal Gear Solid is very boring and repetitive in every aspect. I don't see the charm, and I think Kojima is a joke. Actually, a part of me thinks Metal Gear Solid is a parody...

Sadly, this means my "Greatest Games Ever" saga ends with a wet fart. I am disappointed. I found some new "gems" in this side quest, but I also added several new games to my pile of crap. Ultimately, I enjoyed this diversion. It opened my eyes to the past a bit, and I want to play some more games with friends. At the very least, I can appreciate Smash Bros' roster more. Sorry if I rated your favorite game so low. I hate that I hated it too.

We'll return to our regularly scheduled stuff soon. I gotta test some things for work, and I might want to finally finish Dragon Quest VI for the DS as well. And get over this flu bug.

A three hour tutorial.

Is Advance Wars good? I don't know, but it sure is boring.

I can't get past the thirteen mission, three+ hour tutorial. It makes Final Fantasy XIII look streamlined and entertaining. I'm already dropping this one because of terrible game design. Ya'll couldn't have done what every other game has done and spread new concepts out? Or let us learn as we go? Or make all these missions last only a few turns?

Elsewhere, all the units look too much alike, and I'm getting confused. Who just died? That wasn't my Md Tank, was it? There are also too many units. Anything more than six, and the game starts getting slow. Tactics Ogre, Shining Force, and Fire Emblem have all cemented this for me.

I wasn't having fun, and I still had the last half of training to get through. And these missions weren't gimmes, either. Before I grow a hatred for Advance Wars, I'm just gonna leave.

0/50.

 Metal Gear sold eventuality.

Kirby Double Feature!

That's two Kirby references in the title in two days. A personal best?

One of my favorite characters in Smash Bros is Meta Knight. Sure, all I ever do is spin to win, but I have fun! But I've never played a Kirby game. They're not my jam, nor are they on the list, which shocked me. You'd think a franchise with 40 million sales figures would have a goat in it? But nope. They're all very mid, a fact I just learned. But I've decided now is the best time to take a detour, so let's play with a pink ball.

Meta Knight's first appearance is as a reoccurring mid boss for Dedede in Kirby's Adventure. It's on the original Gameboy, and I can't handle the presentation of that console anymore, but I have good news! Kirby's Dreamland was remastered for the GBA as Knightmare in Dreamland. So I booted that up and played it for a few hours. And I hated it. The controls were terrible, the levels were too samey, and the graphics looked like an early SNES game. The controls alone pushed me away, and I dropped it at forty percent. There's a guy on YouTube who beat it in an hour and a half without getting touched, so I just watched him finish it. It gets worse. And Meta Knight barely plays a part in it. He's not even named! There is a mode just for him, but I'm never gonna unlock it. Fortunately, this is not his only appearance.

In Super Kirby Star, there's an unlockable story mode where he is the main antagonist. You have to go through three other modes, but this game was a lot more fun. The controls work, the power ups are more fun, and the helpers make me think I have friends! Super Star is actually a good game! Revenge of Meta Knight has Kirby raiding the Halberd, MK's ship, to get to the armored foe. MK's underlings get a lot of screen time, and it's such a nice diversion. Meta Knight isn't truly evil, and he cares for his crew. But he doesn't like lazy people. It's pretty short, though, but I only raged at one level. An autoacroller with no power ups is dumb! It's not a long game, but it worked for me. I feel closer to one of my favorite Smash characters and can say I've played three Kirby games. They're not very great.

Knightmare in Dreamland gets a 21/50 on the backs of terrible controls. The limited attacks of power ups makes the game boring and annoying, and the graphics are outdated.
Super Star is a solid 33/50. The controls work, and each power up is a massive change of pace. But the music is pretty bland, and everything about it is a Mario Party game without the board, friendship, and memories made.
The remaster of Dream Land, Spring Breeze, is too snipped (I assume), so I won't grade it. It seemed playable, though.

I see the appeal to these Kirby games, but they're not world changers. There's nothing they do that's amazing, even if Kirby's Copy Ability can lead to some fun. But it's a very straightforward franchise with nothing else to do. Mario is a better platformer, run-and-gun games are more exciting, and so many others have better characters and stories. Kirby isn't deep or wide, but he's worth 4.3 billion USD, according to a totally legitimate website, so who won this round? Time to retreat to Advance Wars (I mean it this time).

Kirby + Contra + Megaman =

Gun Star Heroes!

Contra made me want to play more run-and-gun games, and I knew I owned this one, so I booted it up! Fortunately, it's also on the list.

The first thing I noticed about the game is how vague its plot is. Apparently, it's different between the JP and NA versions. This explains the random Power Rangers who show up at the end. But if you dig into tertiary sources, there's some stuff here. None of it is explained in the game, though.

Like all RnGs, though, who cares> It's all about the gun fun, and it's better than Contra. Each character gets two guns again, but you can combine them into one gun for the best aspects of both, like Kirby. You can also use each weapon separately, ala Megaman, which is nice, giving you a lot of ways to attack things. There are also viable melee tactics that I couldn't get the hang of. I need a manual!

You play through seven levels and a large number of random dudes and, sometimes, interesting bosses. Each level is different, too. One level is the Contra dungeon, and the next is an auto scroller on wheels. There's a Snakes and Ladders side game and a Galaga shoot 'em up toward the end.

The music is exciting, and it's incredibly detailed. Each track is pretty long, but I can't hear where it loops. Most are excited, but there are a few slower, tensioned tracks within.

The graphics aren't up to what I'd expect from the Genesis, but this was Treasure's first game, so I'll let it slide. There are a few scenes that blew me away. There was even foreground graphics once!

It's late for me, so here's the skinny.

Plot: who? I don't know who these people are! 6/10

Gameplay: math. Take the best aspects of some classics, and what do you get? A 9/10.

Art: Genesis. Why is everything on this console so pretty? 8/10

Sound: undeserving. Everything was drowned out by my homing fireballs and twenty thousand mobs. This is a shame. 10/10

Charm: yeoman. It works fine enough. 6/10

If the story made sense or was explained in any way, this wouldn't be here. And it would have more points above, probably. -2

In the end, Gunstar Heroes gets a 37/50. It's one above Contra, and I enjoyed this slightly more. It tracks.

I also dabbled in a few others tonight.
Outrun made no sense to me.
Alien Soldier, while not on the list, is another run Run and Gun. It's not as good as the others.
Final Fight looked amazing, but I found it slower than Streets of Rage. It was also harder/tedious. But it was still better than Super Double Dragon.
SDD was even uglier, slower, and tedious. I really don't get this one.

And with that, I've come to the end of the smaller games portion of this side quest. I was hoping to finish all of these games in a day or two. I mostly did that and consider myself on time still. There are two more I want to play still, assuming I don't add more, but I suspect those will take longer. Advance Wars...eventually!

The SNES launches off!

From a PlayStation racing game to the first racing game on the Super Nintendo. Here's F-Zero.

And here's a lot of fun! F-Zero is a glorified tech demo for the Super Nintendo, but it did so much more. It primarily showed off the new Mode 7 mode, which gave the console a faux 3D look, giving games depth and a feeling of heading towards the background. It showcases this by having a group of people racing around various locations from the year 2500.

The race tracks are unique, fun, and challenging. They all have various hazards which try to kill you before your opponent does. This also means there is more to these games than just speed. If you blow up, you're done. There is no resetting. You can also run into your opponents, but the combat here isn't super smooth. There are moving pitstops, usually after the starting line, to restore machine power. As the race drags on, low positions get kicked out of the race, so don't suck! Go fast, don't crash, and stay off the ground to win. There are four racers to choose from, but they all felt the same to me. There are fifteen tracks, which is super rad for 1990. You can also choose from three different difficulty settings.

There is no plot, but the music is amazing. I've had Big Blue lodged in my brain all night, and I'm not complaining. Even the relaxing rewards screen is a certified banger!

The only negatives are the random jabronis who block you, the weird crashing/inability to turn physics, and the short playtime. I experienced all I needed to know in about three hours.

I don't know what else to say about F-Zero. There's not much here, which is why I called it a tech demo. But it was well made and could have been bigger. But it's 1990, and arcades are still king. I had more fun than I thought, and I kinda wanna keep playing. I understand why F0 fans think the franchise has been abandoned. Give us more!

I'm giving F-Zero a 39/50, but only because my rating system sucks. It's a must play for any "true" gamer.

The highest selling Playstation game.

But why, tho?

Gran Turismo sold ten million copies off the back of a 96% Metacritic score. It was developed by Polyphonic Studios and produced by Sony. Kazunori Yamauchi and his team took five years to create the first entry into the racing sim franchise, and it clearly paid off. But I don't understand it.

Gran Turismo has two modes. Arcade mode, which is a pick your car and take it racing mode. There is more stuff to unlock as you win on each track in each difficulty setting. There's also Simulation, which is a foux career mode. You start with 10000 credits to buy a car and some upgrades. You then take it through tracks, earning more money to buy new ones and further upgrades. To get access to new tracks, you need to pass two license tests. Succeeding opens up harder races and courses. There is no real story in this mode.

And it all works, but I don't understand the hype. I once considered myself a racing game enthusiast back in the day. Mario Kart was popular around this time. I've spent so many hours in Need For Speed, Porsche Unleashed, especially. Various NASCAR games have passed through my hands. I've found all of them more compelling than Gran Turismo. Maybe it's because it feels so sluggish. Playstation loading times and low cash payouts for victory, ironically, slow the game down. I managed to get my class B license and found those new races challenging. So am I gonna have to grind for hundreds of thousands of credits in the same five races? I've read there are only eleven tracks, to begin with, so I feel like there's not much here. There are 122 cars if you're an enthusiast.

And I think that's who Gran Turismo is focused on. As far as I know, GT was the first racing game to let you buy upgrades. New brakes, transmission, weight adjustments: it's all here. I don't care about that. I've never had a real world driving license, and I'm as far from a car guy as can be. All of the big car manufacturers are here, and there's a plethora of models here. New, older, and classics. Are the tracks based on anything?

I'm not calling Gran Turismo a bad game. It's very polished and grounded. The graphics looked great but haven't aged well. The music is an interesting choice, but there's plenty of it, and some are bangers! Hope you're into rave music. Car physics, I assume, are there. I should buy new tires, though. I just prefer goofy racing or stuff where crashing and damage matters. This isn't for me, is what I'm saying. I'm not the target demographic. GT2 is also a good game, so maybe that might fit me more. Regardless, I don't feel comfortable giving GT an honest review. I played four hours, and that's enough. I can't get a feel of the game, but I know it's not for me. Not everything has to be! That's the great thing about gaming and the world!

America 2636 - Alien Wars!

The most American game ever made was created in Japan. It's Contra III!

Contra is legendary for a number of reasons. It popularized the Konami code, was Dark Souls before Dark Souls, and it was one of the first run-and-gun games of its kind. I've never played any other games in the franchise and don't have much experience in the genre as a whole. Let me know if you've heard that one before. I played about an hour of Gunstar Heros a few years ago...

You (and a friend) play through six levels, shooting anything and everything that moves. Along the way, you find six guns, each with unique mechanics, but you can only carry two at a time. If you die, which only takes one hit, then you drop whatever you had equipped at the time. But you can never lose the default firearm. Run out of lives, and it's game over. And you're gonna die a lot. It's straight out of the arcade and meant to eat your quarters. But I'm surprisingly fine with that. The entire point of Contra III is indiscriminate violence. There are so many explosions, over-the-top action sequences, and bullets on screens that there's no room for anything else.

And the gameplay is smooth. Shooting, platforming, wall climbing, top down nonsense: it's all fun and works. That's what I enjoyed most about C3: the variety. It's not all just Mario meets Galaga. There are only six levels, but half of them are different from what you'd expect. Yes, I save scummed through easy mode, but I enjoyed the experience anyway. The bosses were fun and unique. I even saw where I went wrong every death. I just wanted to keep my guns. You can even run through with a friend in co-op for more chaos. It's a short game, so let's finish this review.

Plot: who cares? Just go shoot stuff. 4/10

Gameplay: America. Just go shoot stuff. 10/10

Art: Big fan. I'm quickly learning that I'm a sucker for city backgrounds. And even if I can't see the alien devastation, every level and enemy is unique.

Music: fitting. It's fast and exciting. The director for C3 wanted a movie score that changes with the level, and he got it. It's kinda drowned out by the sounds of American school life, though. 6/10

Charm: so many ways to kill aliens. Designing this was a technical marvel. All the unique boss battles made for some "tricky coding," but it paid off. I can't say for sure how groundbreaking it all was, but it's blowing my mind thirty years after the fact. 8/10

But it is a very hard game. I would have loved to spend all night replaying every level with my friend of yore, but I can't do that now. -2

Contra III: The Alien Wars is dumb fun at its finest. It was never designed for plot or character development. It's a game you turn on to kill an hour here or there or when you're having a bad day and can accept a lot of death. What it's meant to do, it does so well and doesn't try to be anything else. I can see why this franchise is on the greatest games list, even if I'm giving it a 36/50.

The Classics Suck!

Metroid is one half of the Metroidvania genre. It's also the worst half of the Metroidvania genre. I don't want to spend a lot of time unfondly remembering this experience, so let's get to the review.

Plot: none. There is a handful of spoken (which was cool) dialogue at the start to set up the interim of Metroid 2 and Super, and that's it. Once Samus realizes the space station is dead and her Metroid child was abducted, it's all gameplay. Nothing is explained, and nothing is resolved. Samus is boring, but at least she has a name, unlike the bosses. Stop reviving Ridley! 1/10

Gameplay: flawed. When the platforming works, the game is a lot of fun. I saw the appeal early on, but it quickly divulged into a rage sim. Samus over or under jumps too often (or not at all), shooting is a pain, and navigation becomes tedious. I got sick about halfway through, and I never felt rewarded. And don't get me started on using the space jump! Worst still, it's all too samey. And it physically hurt me! 5/10

Art: Nintendo. Nintendo doesn't mess around with graphics. 10/10

Music: it works. The soundtrack is mostly atmospheric and lacks melody. The battle themes are frantic, though, and fit. Without plot, there's no variety, and nothing stuck out to me. 8/10

Charm: terrible. The world is interconnected, but that's all SM has going for it. There are no NPCs or cute extras, and you'll ultimately need to play the same game if you replay it. And it can be beaten in less than four hours... 3/10

Negatives: plentiful. There are no warps, so navigation and backtracking are tedious. And guess what you'll need to do a lot in this genre? Platforming isn't as tight as it needs to be, quicksand slows you down, the space jump is frustrating, and boss fights are boring. Getting hit makes Samus invisible, and you don't know where you are. The best ending allows you to see Samus in a bikini. That's the only ending scene and a pointless sexualization of a woman. -17

I enjoyed Super Metroid for about four hours. I liked getting new upgrades and trodding new ground in old areas. But then I grew tired of the little negatives popping up too often. In the end, I hate this game. It's not fun, rewarding, or deep. I don't want to play another Metroid game, and I don't understand why this is considered a standard in gaming. The only good thing I can say about it is it makes me like Castlevania even more.

10/50; second worst game I've ever played.

The game that broke my controller!

Megaman X!!!

Yep. I've never played a Megaman game. The friend of yore had a copy he tried to get me into, but I couldn't figure it out. I don't think I could even get passed the opening highway level. I'll be honest, I could barely do it now. But I'm doing this retrospective, so now's the best time to give this fabled franchise a genuine attempt. Guess how many times I saved scummed!

So I start the game, and I'm blown away by the background visuals. They're something Sega could do, and I'm spending more time looking at them than the guys trying to murder me. And so I died! But I returned, only to fall into a pit. And then get run over by a maniac driver. And then a giant beats me up, but my friend saves me!

From here, the real gameplay begins. We take our mostly mute robot boy, Megaman X, into eight levels with unique visuals, gimmicks, and bosses. We platform our way across pitfalls, blast through an entire army of robots with our arm cannon, and kill the rouge mechanical replicants at the end. When we defeat them, Megaman can use their powers, and it's the key to victory. That and finding the various upgrades scattered through all eight stages.

And I'm trash at this game! Getting used to the controls was a mess, but that's on me. You can change them in the main menu, but I never did that. All the pros suggest you do. But once you grasp how to grasp a controller, you can stand a chance at felling a boss. And with your first boss down, Megaman becomes a puzzle game. Most bosses are long, drawn out slugfests unless you have their weakness. That weakness does more damage and often places them in a vulnerable state. But there's no way to see an opponent's vulnerability until you test it on them. So it's all risk/reward.

And despite me being hot garbage at this, I had a lot of fun! Once I got the hang of it, of course. Understanding how to jump and timing enemy shots gave me that endorphin reward I hear about. Seeing bosses melt when I hit them with the proper gun triggers the American in me. There are even reasons to explore like an RPG because of the armor upgrades and health increases. And I wanted all of them, even the Shurukan! I was so invested that I overly grasped my controller and pressed too hard on the A button, making it permanently depressed. Just like me!!! I could have fixed it, but I've complained enough about the Rockcandy and just splurged on a brand new one. So Megaman X opened the path to freedom. Too bad I can't beat it. Sigma's too strong, and I lack the ability to do anything more than just tank hits. I'm too old for this.

Plot: basic. X doesn't talk much, nor does Sigma. But his underlings are a big deal, and it's not an RPG from 1995. It's about the gameplay. 5/10

Gameplay: by design. I suck, but everything works perfectly, almost to a detriment sometimes. Hitboxes weren't big in 1995, but don't tell Capcom that. Too bad there are no side missions. 8/10

Art: stunning. I wish I had artistic talents. I would love to make old school backgrounds like this professionally. And every weapon looks rad! 10/10

Sound: highly regarded. OcRemix has this soundtrack strung across four albums and nearly three dozen remixes. And I understand why! It's all great, high octane rock songs. Nothing stuck out to me, but that's clearly a me problem. I will say, though, a few mellow or sad songs would be nice. 8/10.

Charm: shocking. I didn't expect this while playing, but there's a lot of cool stuff here. Stages change depending on who's been beaten. Zero is a good enough NPC, and there are a few ways to get through the well paced gameplay. 10/10

It's a difficult game, but if you can master it, you'll find it's actually not. I've always thought being good at Megaman is a cool flex, so it makes sense I suck. Is Megaman X a goat game? Probably not, but the franchise, as a whole, is worthy to be called to the council. If X is the chosen representative, then I don't think anyone can be upset.

Meganan X for the SNES is a 41/50 game.

Streets of Rage 2

I just learned I own this!

It's like Street Fighter, but you're against more people and don't die in two lives. Streets of Rage 2 was inspired by Street Fighter, so it's fun that I'm playing them back-to-back. It was released for the Sega Genesis and came out in North America before Japan, which was a rare feat for the time. As with brawlers, I don't have much experience with this genre. I fondly remember playing Battletoads & Double Dragon with my friends, and I have a handful of hours in Golden Axe, but I think that's it. There were two other beat-em-ups on the Wiki list, so maybe I'll play them. But that's for later! Now is the time for back alley brawls!

Streets of Rage 2 begins one year after the first game. When we boot up, we learn the period of peace achieved then is broken apart by various corrupt actors working for the guy they stopped. One of the playable characters has been kidnapped, so the two remaining find two more associates to join them in saving this nameless city. I think there's more plot in the instruction booklet, but guess who doesn't own that!

We reach the main menu and select our character. There are four characters to choose from, and they all play differently. I messed around with them all and found three of them to be a lot of fun. Thunder Hatchet is a massive dude and professional wrestler. He hits hard but is as slow as a slug. But it feels so good to smack a mofo! Blaze is a woman who has plus stats everywhere but power, but I couldn't find anything she excelled at. But she was the character I played the most with. Skate Hunter, the little brother of the kidnapped Adam, is really fast but lacks power. But his attacks are flashy and devastating. There's also Axel Stone, and he's just a dude. I started playing and got some major deja vu from this. It's almost like I've been here before. And then I remembered that I played Streets of Kamurochu, a Yakuza reskin of SoR2, a few years ago. It's nice to experience the real thing now!

As I said, everyone plays differently, and this is noticeable by their attacks. Everyone has the same controls, but what they perform with their button hits is different. Everyone has a basic jab and its subsequent combo. But blitz attacks, jumps (or lack thereof), and HP depleting special attacks are all unique. Blaze's blitz is a forward cartwheel, but Thunder's is a shoulder tackle. Axel's special is a flaming uppercut, and Skate does a diving leg kick that murders the crap out of bosses. Everyone has a couple of grab attacks and throws as well. Skate also has a running attack that only he gets. I think it is worth trying everyone. It's a short game, so why not?

You play through eight levels that represent a location in this weird city. You start at a bar, battle through a haunted forest, rampage at a baseball field, and finally climb a tower. Some levels have a gimmick, either in the form of stage hazards or interesting mobs. The biker thugs in stage two are my favorite. These locations look absolutely amazing. I missed out on Genesis fidelity, but at least adult me can appreciate them. I doubt I would have cared as a child anyway. I spoke highly of them in Sonic, and the city backgrounds in SoR2 are just as phenomenal. Each stage and substage gets a musical theme for it as well. Some are better than others, but I liked everything I heard. It's described as various EDM genres, but even a boring guitarist like me can hear why the soundtrack is so beloved. Definitely give it a listen!

The plot isn't really a thing. The four characters get one combined ending. They beat X, save Adam, celebrate, watch a helicopter leave, and prepare for Streets of Rage 3! This isn't a plot focused game, so I won't get too upset by it not existing.

The only bad thing I didn't like about the game was how slow the vertical walking speed was. Side-to-side was fine, but going up and down to reach enemies "above" or "below" me felt cumbersome. It made hitting certain mobs, especially fast or floating guys, frustrating and left me open to attack. Grabs also felt scary to use. You have to get close, but that leaves you open again, especially with that vertical axis issue.

Ultimately, I had so much fun! The game takes just over an hour to beat, but that hour was action packed and exciting. Everything you'd want in an early nineties arcade cabinet. And I would have loved to play co-op or fight my friends in Duel mode. At the end of the day, Streets of Rage 2 gets 37/50. Keep in mind that my review process is based around RPGs, so a game like this is kinda shoehorned in. Unlike Sonic, it's better than this! I even did the special challenge that comes with the Steam version just for fun (and an achievement).

But I have very little experience in beat-em-ups. Maybe I should play more? How long has it been since I played Battletoads!? But that's for later. I've never played Megaman or a Metroid title...

Personal Side Quest 2

The greatest video games ever, according to Wikipedia!

A while back, I stumbled across a Wiki page for games that are considered the greatest ever made. It's filled with the usual assortment you'd expect, but it made me realize how entrenched I am in the RPG realm. RPGs are well represented, but the list in question is filled with racing games, fighting games, and miscellaneous other stuff I don't have memorized. And it's inspired me! I'm gonna play (some of) them!

Now, I'm not gonna play all of them in depth. Some are huge, for example. I'm also not playing all of them. The list is massive, and even I don't have that much time. I don't want these to leave a bad taste in my mouth, which is why I'm skipping ones I know I'll hate. No horror games! And since I'm poor, I can't play any new games. I want to finish the Witcher Saga, but I can't run game three.

And so we come to the first game I placed on my abbreviated list: Street Fighter. I think the list had SF 2, but I'm playing a different version. Street Fighter IV 3 Alpha Max for the PSP is my poison. What a stupid name... It has a massive roster, and everyone was here! I booted it up and looked over the enormous amount of game modes and instantly got lost. I figured Arcade or World Tour were the go-tos, so I went to the arcade for the first time since 2005. I picked Mika, lowered the difficulty, and got pretty far. Mika's an up-and-coming professional wrestler, so I'm a big fan already. I struggled for a few rounds until I got to my arch nemesis, Karin. The prep school class head beat me up. So I tried another character. She's a ninja with a Big Boss Man nightstick. I didn't make it as far. Lastly, I accidentally picked up Ingrid and got beat in round one. I called it a night there.

I looked up a few combos while lying in bed and planned to test them the next day. Nothing stuck, and I wasn't feeling the game. I'm really bad at it.

The game has thirty eight characters, all of whom have a unique fighting style and story. I doubt the story is world altering, and I can't begin to understand how all the characters are different. I have to imagine all the music fits as well.

With the exception of Super Smash Brothers Ultimate, I'm not into fighting games. I played a bit of one of the Soul Caliber games, but I haven't felt inspired to play it again since the mid aughts. It's just not my scene. I'm sure the two player mode would have been great when I was a kid, and I know the competitive scene is what makes or breaks the franchise. And a better controller (fight pad) would have been nice.

Taking everything into consideration, though, I have no issue calling Street Fighter one of the most important franchises in the industry. The franchise started in 1987 and created many of the mechanics that would come to dominate the genre. Combos, special attacks, and proof that the genre could print a butt load of cash. It's got a deep lore, which I'm all for, but I can't even begin to dig in. I'm not good enough. Maybe I should have played Street Fighter II?

Night one of my immersion went poorly. But maybe a tweak could save it...