I am the Master of Vandal Hearts

I'd like to relinquish my title, please.

Vandal Hearts is a game my well known neighbor friend randomly introduced me to. I don't know why. I didn't play it much, as it didn't strike my fancy, but the fact I even remember it means I need to play it for this blog. If I remember playing it, I need to do it again after the end of the world! It's a tactical RPG, which is hella rad, with political intrigue as a plot. I went in expecting a knockoff of Final Fantasy Tactics, and guess what I got?

Garbage.

Plot: pointless. There are twelve playable characters in VH, and only three feel important. There are four worthwhile villains, and they're all boring. When it comes to the story, it's a mess. There are multiple Deus ex twists, including a vital mcguffin that just appears with no explanation and three secret character backstories with zero foreshadowing. I liked that all the antagonists had a separate view of being evil, but none were fully explored. 3/10

Gameplay: unfun. There are twelve characters, each with a class. The problem is most of those classes lack skills. So all any melee character gets to do is basic attacks. Mages get an array of extras, but there are only four magic users. And only two are offensive. It ends up being boring. At least each battle feels different, and they try to mix up the win conditions. 2/10

Sound: fine. My biggest issue with the game is how many tracks are militaristic. This is a war game, so that makes sense, and I can knock it too much. There are a good assortment of other options, so it's fine. My second issue is every song is played only once. It's kinda cool, but it doesn't let anything linger and stick. 7/10

Art: interesting. Every character's art is ugly. They look like they're out of King's Quest, the old Sierra point-and-click adventure franchise. I hate it. The sprite work makes up for it, and there's plenty of stuff to look at, but all those sharp heads are a turn off. 9/10

Charm: awful. I was nice and gave a point to the NPCs because the one we meet is actually important. 1/10

Negatives: the writing is terrible, and the secret auto win class is nonsense for several reasons. -4

Add everything together, and Vandal Hearts is an 18 out of 50.

I started cheating halfway through the game. I was curious about the plot, but that ended up being a letdown. The battles are borderline tedious, so it made me want to quit early. I think I should have. The game sums itself up well during the final cutscene with one quote:

"Ultimately, not much changed..."

The world is in the same place as before, and nothing we did helped. I guess we kept it from being destroyed, but I feel like we helped to get there in the first place. I did not have fun with Vandal Hearts.