It's that time of the year when everyone with any bit of a following gives out their year end awards in their favorite topics. I have no followers, and I think I hate heavy metal, but here I am.
10: The Warning; Keep Me Fed
The third album from these sisters is kinda pop rock, but catchy music that you want in your head is always welcome.
9: Tyr; Battle Ballads
It's Tuesday, my dudes, and I love me songs about blacksmiths and dragons.
8: Dead South; Chans and Snakes
Banjo music that sounds deep and sometimes is.
7: Unleash the Archers: Phantomas
It's rare power metal doesn't suck, and it's always phenomenal when it doesn't.
6: Zeal & Arder; Greif
An avant guard band does a slightly repetitive but catchy album. Rad!
5: Brother Dege; Aurora
The final album by delta blues rocker Dege Legg is leaving a stinging feel in long time listeners. An album full of somber tracks, soulful ballads, and meaningful yet confusing messages. Every time I come back to Aurora, I hear something new and feel something my dad doesn't want me to be comfortable with.
4: Sebastian Bach; Child Within the Man
I have no clue why I decided to spend time on this album, and I'm even more confused as to why it's so good. It's got plenty of 80's vibes with power ballads, arena rock anthems, and amazing musicianship. Does Skidrow suck?
3: Mick Mars; Otherside of Mars
What happens when you take ninety percent of Motley Crue's talent and distill it into something without ego driven nonsense? You get another old dude writing songs that put Gen X, Millennials, and Z to shame.
2: Judas Priest: Invincible Shield.
Apparently, good music was only made by old dudes this year. Judas Priest found their sound in 1980 and hasn't found the need to change. And they haven't needed to change because everything they make is pure metal in perfect form!
1: Amigo the Devil; Yours Until the War is Over
It's Lucy's least favorite musician! The way Friend twists and contorts the English language into something poetically gruesome fascinates me. Hombre makes dying from drug abuse, depression, and a broken heart seem almost exciting and tickles something in me. And yet, it's Buddy's songs of forlorn hope that I keep coming back to.
Overall, last year's work was a lot better than 2024. I struggled to fill out a top ten last year, but everything fell into place this year. I'm not saying it's proof music is getting worse, though. I think we're in a loom period because early 2025 is looking fantastic! That being said, I think I hate modern metal music. It all sounds like noise and temper tantrums to me. But that's for another day. The top albums of 2024 could have an epic battle with the top of 3023, but the fall off was pretty dramatic afterward. I may be the only person to say this, but I'm looking forward to the soundtrack of 2025.
Song of the Year: Going to Heaven by Amigo the Devil.
Sunday, December 29, 2024
Friday, December 27, 2024
The definitive Star Ocean 1
I'm still recovering from illness...
I played the SNES version of Star Ocean 1 during my dark ages. I then played the PSP port during my penultimate year of college. Both are the same story with the same characters, but they play very differently. They also, obviously, look quite dissimilar. And thus, as I slightly pondered during my review of Star Ocean 2, what version's best.
Let's start with a quick overview.
Star Ocean Fantastic Space Odyssey and First Departure share the same basic blocks. The story revolves around an underdeveloped planet named Roak. A strange illness is turning the citizens of Roak into stone, including the father of the white mage, Milly. Her friends Doan and Ratix, the main character, investigate. This ends up with Doan becoming infected as well. Chasing after a cure has them running into two earthlings, Ilia and Ronyx. These aliens teach our MC that he's involved in an intergalactic war, with them in the middle. To bring about galactic peace, the four must go back in time, as these things often do.
While there, they uncover the mystery of the stone sickness, beat up Satan, and form bonds with four of eight possible locals! And then they save the galaxy, but whatever.
It is the hows that differ between the two games.
First Departure plays exactly as the PSP port of Second Story, Second Evolution. There's a traditional world map, a questionable combo system, modern QoL adjustments, and an expansion of skills. The character artwork during conversation is also there, and the images are less than ideal.
Fantasy Space Odyssey's combat plays like a Tales of game if the map had a few more dimensions. The overworld is more akin to the Mana games, and the skills and specialties are more bare bones. It was made in the mid 90's, so that's to be expected.
These three create some vital gameplay differences. For starters, there is significant backtracking in SO1, regardless of version. There is no Synard, so you'll have to walk between towns. And each has different item shops for item creation, side quests, and PAs. On a world map, it's a lot faster and easier. FSO is a winding path, and you can't effectively fast forward through them. It can really slog the game down. On the flip side, these paths are pretty and add to the atmosphere.
The combat is much faster in FD for the sole reason of you can freely move. For some reason, walking around the battlefield is a point-and-click adventure in FSO. You don't usually need to aimlessly wander around, but the option to do so is nice. It's easier to change targets, at least.
The skills are different because we're on vastly different consoles, so I won't spend much time here. The PSP version is ripped from its sequel.
As an extra bonus, FD has a secret character that veterans night like, a secret character I hate, new PAs, and it's not crash prone because the DeJap patch team kinda sucks.
It should be clear that the PSP version, First Departure, is the better experience. All the new stuff and functionality of it make it vastly superior. But there's a sort of charm that it loses. The pathways between cities and dungeons are an interesting concept. Seeing the wind blow the grass, the birds fly through the sky, and ducks traverse just clicks with me. While the PSP port is better, the SNES original is more interesting. It stands out on its own and doesn't rely on another game to prop up its experience. If you want a polished game, get your PSP out. But if you're interested in a game with its own identity, learn how to patch a SNES rom.
Are the numbers different?
---
Plot: no. The main cast and secondaries bring something worth discussing to the table, but the villains are seen twice and don't really do anything proactive. This makes the plot feel like the least gratifying story in the genre. 4/10
Gameplay: no. Free movement aside, both games are just mashing X unless you want to do a killer move. But they're both fun! 10/10
Sound: no. The remake remastered the songs. Some are better; some are worse. It's all subjective, regardless. Nothing jumped out at me anyway. 8/10
Art: yes. Star Ocean has issues with palate swaps throughout the franchise. This is true even in the remaster. There's still a lot to see, but the PSP version lets your character sprites jump out more. The SNES sprites blended in too much when seeking private actions for my crummy eyes. SNES: 8/10 PSP: 9/10
Charm: yes. There are a handful of interesting NPCs, but none are around long. Both games have plenty of cute things, and it's worth exploring. If for no other reason than because the eight optional characters are all over the place, with an assortment of recruitment options. Fear/Phia alone makes the game feel nonlinear and helps the replayability. Game length is what you make of it, but it's the world that separates the two games. Those paths I kinda hate add life to the world. There are chests on them you miss on the listless PSP port. SNES: 9/10 PSP: 8/10
In total, both games are great 38/50 experiences. Welch is available only in the PSP one, so maybe knock off a few points for her.
Ultimately, Star Ocean 1 has a bad case of first in franchise syndrome. It's a lot of fun at the time, but going back reveals that it's kinda devoid of stuff. If you're a historian or love early action RPGs, there's still a lot here. Even now, I'm kinda itching to play another go around. I really should see if T'nique is any good one day...
There's also an even more modern port for the Switch that is probably the best version. The character portraits are a big step above the awful PSP ones, but I don't know if there are any further differences. I'd suggest it, though.
I played the SNES version of Star Ocean 1 during my dark ages. I then played the PSP port during my penultimate year of college. Both are the same story with the same characters, but they play very differently. They also, obviously, look quite dissimilar. And thus, as I slightly pondered during my review of Star Ocean 2, what version's best.
Let's start with a quick overview.
Star Ocean Fantastic Space Odyssey and First Departure share the same basic blocks. The story revolves around an underdeveloped planet named Roak. A strange illness is turning the citizens of Roak into stone, including the father of the white mage, Milly. Her friends Doan and Ratix, the main character, investigate. This ends up with Doan becoming infected as well. Chasing after a cure has them running into two earthlings, Ilia and Ronyx. These aliens teach our MC that he's involved in an intergalactic war, with them in the middle. To bring about galactic peace, the four must go back in time, as these things often do.
While there, they uncover the mystery of the stone sickness, beat up Satan, and form bonds with four of eight possible locals! And then they save the galaxy, but whatever.
It is the hows that differ between the two games.
First Departure plays exactly as the PSP port of Second Story, Second Evolution. There's a traditional world map, a questionable combo system, modern QoL adjustments, and an expansion of skills. The character artwork during conversation is also there, and the images are less than ideal.
Fantasy Space Odyssey's combat plays like a Tales of game if the map had a few more dimensions. The overworld is more akin to the Mana games, and the skills and specialties are more bare bones. It was made in the mid 90's, so that's to be expected.
These three create some vital gameplay differences. For starters, there is significant backtracking in SO1, regardless of version. There is no Synard, so you'll have to walk between towns. And each has different item shops for item creation, side quests, and PAs. On a world map, it's a lot faster and easier. FSO is a winding path, and you can't effectively fast forward through them. It can really slog the game down. On the flip side, these paths are pretty and add to the atmosphere.
The combat is much faster in FD for the sole reason of you can freely move. For some reason, walking around the battlefield is a point-and-click adventure in FSO. You don't usually need to aimlessly wander around, but the option to do so is nice. It's easier to change targets, at least.
The skills are different because we're on vastly different consoles, so I won't spend much time here. The PSP version is ripped from its sequel.
As an extra bonus, FD has a secret character that veterans night like, a secret character I hate, new PAs, and it's not crash prone because the DeJap patch team kinda sucks.
It should be clear that the PSP version, First Departure, is the better experience. All the new stuff and functionality of it make it vastly superior. But there's a sort of charm that it loses. The pathways between cities and dungeons are an interesting concept. Seeing the wind blow the grass, the birds fly through the sky, and ducks traverse just clicks with me. While the PSP port is better, the SNES original is more interesting. It stands out on its own and doesn't rely on another game to prop up its experience. If you want a polished game, get your PSP out. But if you're interested in a game with its own identity, learn how to patch a SNES rom.
Are the numbers different?
---
Plot: no. The main cast and secondaries bring something worth discussing to the table, but the villains are seen twice and don't really do anything proactive. This makes the plot feel like the least gratifying story in the genre. 4/10
Gameplay: no. Free movement aside, both games are just mashing X unless you want to do a killer move. But they're both fun! 10/10
Sound: no. The remake remastered the songs. Some are better; some are worse. It's all subjective, regardless. Nothing jumped out at me anyway. 8/10
Art: yes. Star Ocean has issues with palate swaps throughout the franchise. This is true even in the remaster. There's still a lot to see, but the PSP version lets your character sprites jump out more. The SNES sprites blended in too much when seeking private actions for my crummy eyes. SNES: 8/10 PSP: 9/10
Charm: yes. There are a handful of interesting NPCs, but none are around long. Both games have plenty of cute things, and it's worth exploring. If for no other reason than because the eight optional characters are all over the place, with an assortment of recruitment options. Fear/Phia alone makes the game feel nonlinear and helps the replayability. Game length is what you make of it, but it's the world that separates the two games. Those paths I kinda hate add life to the world. There are chests on them you miss on the listless PSP port. SNES: 9/10 PSP: 8/10
In total, both games are great 38/50 experiences. Welch is available only in the PSP one, so maybe knock off a few points for her.
Ultimately, Star Ocean 1 has a bad case of first in franchise syndrome. It's a lot of fun at the time, but going back reveals that it's kinda devoid of stuff. If you're a historian or love early action RPGs, there's still a lot here. Even now, I'm kinda itching to play another go around. I really should see if T'nique is any good one day...
There's also an even more modern port for the Switch that is probably the best version. The character portraits are a big step above the awful PSP ones, but I don't know if there are any further differences. I'd suggest it, though.
Wednesday, December 11, 2024
LOv3
"Mike Vallely told me that a lot of pro skaters wanted in on a new style of business. I didn't fully understand what Stacy Peralta was telling us, but I vibed with it, as did many others. I contacted a few of the pros I've interacted with during my time with Element, as well as a few others I thought would work well.
Obviously, Mike V was on the team. Chad Muska gave me my first real board, so I wanted him in. Arto Sarrti was the perfect archetype of what we wanted: flash style skating. You see something cool, so you do it. Paul Rodriguez was an up and coming star, and I wanted to see what he could do under Peralta. Finally, one of the modern day GOATs, Bob Burnquist, contacted me. Getting him legitimized everything we working for.
And, with a team together, Team LOv3 was born!
We wanted to showcase our first work in ways no one else ever has. Or could. Stacy and I (mostly Stacy) knew of some crazy spots around the world. We went from Jersey to Manhattan and Hawaii to Vancouver. We lit Moscow and Tampa up in ways they've never seen with challenges we wanted to beat. We hopped buildings, destroyed pools, and even showed off our gaming know how. Man, it was sooooooooo killler! Stacy struggled to keep up with orders, so the video was a huge success!
Anyway... I punched Eric in the face and got MY helicopter footage back, but whatever.
Skating isn't about the money for LOv3. It's the thrill of the air, the grinds, the crazy spots, and just vibing. I love it so much, and I look forward to what we're gonna be doing next..."
---
Tony Hawk's Underground holds up. I'll skip the 1000 word essay, rizzing it up, and just get it out now. THUG a perfect game, and consider this the review. My controller kinda sucked, so it wasn't as fun as I remember it, but I won't hold software back for faulty hardware. It's a little rough around the edges, story wise especially, so perfect may be the wrong adjective, but who cares. Live a little!
Obviously, Mike V was on the team. Chad Muska gave me my first real board, so I wanted him in. Arto Sarrti was the perfect archetype of what we wanted: flash style skating. You see something cool, so you do it. Paul Rodriguez was an up and coming star, and I wanted to see what he could do under Peralta. Finally, one of the modern day GOATs, Bob Burnquist, contacted me. Getting him legitimized everything we working for.
And, with a team together, Team LOv3 was born!
We wanted to showcase our first work in ways no one else ever has. Or could. Stacy and I (mostly Stacy) knew of some crazy spots around the world. We went from Jersey to Manhattan and Hawaii to Vancouver. We lit Moscow and Tampa up in ways they've never seen with challenges we wanted to beat. We hopped buildings, destroyed pools, and even showed off our gaming know how. Man, it was sooooooooo killler! Stacy struggled to keep up with orders, so the video was a huge success!
Anyway... I punched Eric in the face and got MY helicopter footage back, but whatever.
Skating isn't about the money for LOv3. It's the thrill of the air, the grinds, the crazy spots, and just vibing. I love it so much, and I look forward to what we're gonna be doing next..."
---
Tony Hawk's Underground holds up. I'll skip the 1000 word essay, rizzing it up, and just get it out now. THUG a perfect game, and consider this the review. My controller kinda sucked, so it wasn't as fun as I remember it, but I won't hold software back for faulty hardware. It's a little rough around the edges, story wise especially, so perfect may be the wrong adjective, but who cares. Live a little!
Tuesday, December 10, 2024
The Fall
"Before doing anything official, we had to do some street club advertising for the demo. Manuals, lip tricks, and the destruction of cameras were all on the docket. The cameras were for the event, so I think I bungled it. Whatever... Tony Hawk is such a powerful person that he got Eric and I to reconcile. Eric said he went a little overboard, and I forgave him. Jersey roots run deep! Little did I know...
And then Bam Margera got way too into the tanks. Like, calm down, Bam! But Todd wanted us to sneak into the demo area to get some practice in. So I had to launch myself fifty feet into the air, and you better believe I did! We did more pre gaming and shadow adverts before Eric and I showed off our skills. He'd hold a lip trick while I jumped over him. It felt so amazing to perform with Sparrow again that I forgot him screaming me over. Speaking of which...
That night, Eric got drunk with one of the Russian security guards. The guard passed out, and Eric stole the keys and hijacked a tank. I joined him with the hopes of ending his joyride. He ended up treating it like a limo, but I tried to stop the tank. I'm not a soldier, so I failed. The tank collided with a communications building, but Eric bailed before then. One of the bricks landed on the tank, trapping me in it until the KGB "freed" me. Freed me right into jail...
I overheard Eric blaming me for the $700000 bill. Todd booted me off the team, and the American Embassy got me out of jail. I don't think I was allowed to leave the country, but I had to get home.
I made some connections with a few dudes and helped them again with a hangover cure and bringing girls to a party. I also think I helped some rebels, so I should never return to Russia. But, after sneaking past the guards, I got a plane ticket back home.
And the first piece of garbage I saw was Eric Sparrow. He was yelling about money with his manager when he saw me. He bragged about winning the Best New Pro award. I would have beaten his ass, but his bodyguard was there.
I went back to my old haunts and hung out with Stacy Peralta. On the plane ride home, I thought about some of the things he said. It really hit me. What was I skating for? I wanted to redefine what a pro skater was, and I knew the hippie Peralta could help me. All I needed was a name..."
And then Bam Margera got way too into the tanks. Like, calm down, Bam! But Todd wanted us to sneak into the demo area to get some practice in. So I had to launch myself fifty feet into the air, and you better believe I did! We did more pre gaming and shadow adverts before Eric and I showed off our skills. He'd hold a lip trick while I jumped over him. It felt so amazing to perform with Sparrow again that I forgot him screaming me over. Speaking of which...
That night, Eric got drunk with one of the Russian security guards. The guard passed out, and Eric stole the keys and hijacked a tank. I joined him with the hopes of ending his joyride. He ended up treating it like a limo, but I tried to stop the tank. I'm not a soldier, so I failed. The tank collided with a communications building, but Eric bailed before then. One of the bricks landed on the tank, trapping me in it until the KGB "freed" me. Freed me right into jail...
I overheard Eric blaming me for the $700000 bill. Todd booted me off the team, and the American Embassy got me out of jail. I don't think I was allowed to leave the country, but I had to get home.
I made some connections with a few dudes and helped them again with a hangover cure and bringing girls to a party. I also think I helped some rebels, so I should never return to Russia. But, after sneaking past the guards, I got a plane ticket back home.
And the first piece of garbage I saw was Eric Sparrow. He was yelling about money with his manager when he saw me. He bragged about winning the Best New Pro award. I would have beaten his ass, but his bodyguard was there.
I went back to my old haunts and hung out with Stacy Peralta. On the plane ride home, I thought about some of the things he said. It really hit me. What was I skating for? I wanted to redefine what a pro skater was, and I knew the hippie Peralta could help me. All I needed was a name..."
Saturday, December 7, 2024
Board Quest 2003
"So, there I was, chilling in Hawaii, soaking up the sun, complaining it was too hot, seeking out sick spots for the shoot. And also a couple of pranks...
After getting a lay of the land by photobombing wedding photos, mastering manuals through drainage ditches, and ripping up the skate parks, a fellow team member got me to acid drop into a filled pool. He "convinced" a guard to drop his candy bar, causing the hotel to drain the pool. I'm not sure how he got it to work either, but the pool made for a rad place to skate!
Anyway, I found myself on top of the hotel building, and I knew I had to tell Eric about it. Maybe he really did mess up with my paperwork, and I should forgive him? I called him up and told him to bring his camera. Even he knew how sick of a spot this was. Sadly, he seemed like a wuss and didn't do anything, but I fear nothing! I took some lines and even hopped over a road. And then magic happened! Someone called the cops on us, and they brought a helicopter! I knew what I must do!
The mctwist is one of the most iconic flips in skateboarding. I've been trying to land it for so long, and I knew hitting it here would cement me as a god! I got some speed and hit a ramp perfectly. I aired over the copter and hit a perfect mctwist, landing on that famous pink hotel. It was the coolest thing I had ever done. Even Eric was blown away and corrected me. "It was the coolest thing anyone's ever done." For once, he was right. We hid in the hotel until the cops left...
We returned to the mainland with the greatest skateboard trick ever filed. Vancouver was home to a professional tournament and showcase to anyone on a team. Word has gotten around about my trick, but the roadies were still setting up while we had too great of a pre party. I helped the rest of the team with filming their lines and hung around in the background. I also helped clean the leaves... Flying too high, maybe. When we were ready, we all made our way to the arena. Eric went ahead and turned in the footage and had me drive the limo with the rest of the team. I didn't think anything of it at first...
He swindled me. Eric stole my spot and claimed it as his own. The damn coward said he was the one who mctwisted over the copter. He got what I earned! And it got him a pro contract and invite to the competition! That was mine!!!
But since when am I one to sit back and mope? Rules be damned, I entered myself into the pro tournament. The attendant was confused but didn't argue. And Todd didn't argue when I won the damn thing. I, an amateur, won a pro tournament. I even shoved it in Eric's face by beating his best line. Todd wasn't too thrilled but recognized what I did and gave me what Eric stole. I got my board deal and kept on with my shoe deal. I signed up for Adio!
After Vancouver, it was on the largest skate demo on Earth! Off to snowy Moscow!"
After getting a lay of the land by photobombing wedding photos, mastering manuals through drainage ditches, and ripping up the skate parks, a fellow team member got me to acid drop into a filled pool. He "convinced" a guard to drop his candy bar, causing the hotel to drain the pool. I'm not sure how he got it to work either, but the pool made for a rad place to skate!
Anyway, I found myself on top of the hotel building, and I knew I had to tell Eric about it. Maybe he really did mess up with my paperwork, and I should forgive him? I called him up and told him to bring his camera. Even he knew how sick of a spot this was. Sadly, he seemed like a wuss and didn't do anything, but I fear nothing! I took some lines and even hopped over a road. And then magic happened! Someone called the cops on us, and they brought a helicopter! I knew what I must do!
The mctwist is one of the most iconic flips in skateboarding. I've been trying to land it for so long, and I knew hitting it here would cement me as a god! I got some speed and hit a ramp perfectly. I aired over the copter and hit a perfect mctwist, landing on that famous pink hotel. It was the coolest thing I had ever done. Even Eric was blown away and corrected me. "It was the coolest thing anyone's ever done." For once, he was right. We hid in the hotel until the cops left...
We returned to the mainland with the greatest skateboard trick ever filed. Vancouver was home to a professional tournament and showcase to anyone on a team. Word has gotten around about my trick, but the roadies were still setting up while we had too great of a pre party. I helped the rest of the team with filming their lines and hung around in the background. I also helped clean the leaves... Flying too high, maybe. When we were ready, we all made our way to the arena. Eric went ahead and turned in the footage and had me drive the limo with the rest of the team. I didn't think anything of it at first...
He swindled me. Eric stole my spot and claimed it as his own. The damn coward said he was the one who mctwisted over the copter. He got what I earned! And it got him a pro contract and invite to the competition! That was mine!!!
But since when am I one to sit back and mope? Rules be damned, I entered myself into the pro tournament. The attendant was confused but didn't argue. And Todd didn't argue when I won the damn thing. I, an amateur, won a pro tournament. I even shoved it in Eric's face by beating his best line. Todd wasn't too thrilled but recognized what I did and gave me what Eric stole. I got my board deal and kept on with my shoe deal. I signed up for Adio!
After Vancouver, it was on the largest skate demo on Earth! Off to snowy Moscow!"
Thursday, December 5, 2024
Lucy becomes a pro skater pt 1
From Jersey to San Diego...
Tony Hawk's Underground was a game I spent plenty of time and frustration with back in the day. But I freakin' loved it! But it's been nearly two decades since I last played it. I had it at 48 points on my giant sheet of game reviews, but it can't be THAT good? After the abomination of Vandal Hearts, I suddenly hate RPGs, so I need something different. So let's two birds this stuff and see if the GOAT skater game holds up.
"So, there I was, fixing my board. It's hella ghetto shredded, so it needs the work. Suddenly, my old pal, Eric Sparrow, showed up, knocking on my window. I've told him 1000 times not to do that. A girl needs her privacy, and he looks wicked creepy every time he does that crap. But I'll let it slide this time because Eric told me Chad Muska was in town for a shoot. Why Muska would come to this hole in Jersey to film is beyond me, but I HAD to be there. And maybe I could show him my own skills. So I finished up my board work and met him outside.
He lost his board already!? The tweakers jumped him and yanked his board, throwing it all over the street. They messed up his knee, so I HAD to get everything. It's not easy climbing over houses, but I did. After I got his stuff, we warmed up around town. We skated the old swimming pool outside the high school. It was set up for Muska's show, so why wouldn't we? The drainage ditch was also fancied up, but I spent plenty of time at our makeshift half pipe between the houses. Why did our tiny town feel so skateboard accessible? Is it because Mike Vallely is from here?
After getting stretched, Chad Muska's showcase started. He mostly just showed off his pimped out SUV's sound system, so I figured now's the time. I started showing off everything I could: street skills, vert tricks, manuals, and grinds. I can do them all! And Muska noticed! He said I showed promise and even replaced my gnarled board! AAAHHHHHH!!! Finally, he told me to talk to Stacy Peralta.
I headed over to the skate shop the next day and saw a dude meditating on the postbox. That was Stacy Peralta, and he told me that if I wanted to sign with him, I'd have to impress the skaters already with him. And I did just that! After reminding everyone who I was, I was in. I wasn't fully involved in the way of free swag, but I have my entry point into the biz!
Eric, myself, and a bunch of other locals had a good night planned, but the junkies across the street ruined it. They stole a bunch of our stuff, so I decided to get it back. It was my street, and I knew it the best, after all. I snuck my way over to their base by climbing over roofs, but Eric beat me there? And he's out in the open? This was the first time I thought how sketchy he was. Out of revenge, he torched the drug car...
We fled and found a place to crash, but our peace was short lived. They knew Eric destroyed their car and wanted revenge. I called in some favors for him to get across the bridge in town. The 5-0 had it blocked for no reason! He had to bully the train guard, but we needed to get some tickets out of town. We had to escape the tweakers, and Peralta would make us full members if we showed him something new. Something not from Jersey. And it was off to Manhattan!
As we did in Jersey, we dominated New York! We shredded the riverfront, manualed the office park, and did a little bit of vandalism to the monument... We also helped out a local nut vendor by giving him a monopoly on his nuts. And shout out to the dudes I filmed!
After Eric filmed me jumping over a burning taxi, we sent our tapes to Stacy, and he loved them. He told us we had to hit up the Tampa Pro-Am and even hooked us up with his vintage tour bus to get there. Eric and I walked into the park, but I wasn't allowed in! The snake never turned in my paperwork! Eric got into the competition, and I was locked out. But I'm a badass and knew I could figure something out.
And I did.
The man, the myth, the legend himself, Tony Hawk, was outside of the building in the practice park. He wanted to see if anyone could show him something cool, so I put on my best trick line ever!!! Hawkman got me into the competition, where I did what I always do! I won the street competition and got a perfect score in the vert. It was myself vs Sparrow in the finals. He got what was coming to him: embarrassment. I doubt he'll try to screw me again...
With my win, all the board companies wanted me. I joined up with Element because Muska giving me a board meant so much to me, and it was off to San Diego for us.
I met the team manager, Todd, who was having a snack before going to dinner. But he told me we were here to take sick footage for the magazines, so I was officially a part of a skate team. But I wasn't done yet..."
Tony Hawk's Underground was a game I spent plenty of time and frustration with back in the day. But I freakin' loved it! But it's been nearly two decades since I last played it. I had it at 48 points on my giant sheet of game reviews, but it can't be THAT good? After the abomination of Vandal Hearts, I suddenly hate RPGs, so I need something different. So let's two birds this stuff and see if the GOAT skater game holds up.
"So, there I was, fixing my board. It's hella ghetto shredded, so it needs the work. Suddenly, my old pal, Eric Sparrow, showed up, knocking on my window. I've told him 1000 times not to do that. A girl needs her privacy, and he looks wicked creepy every time he does that crap. But I'll let it slide this time because Eric told me Chad Muska was in town for a shoot. Why Muska would come to this hole in Jersey to film is beyond me, but I HAD to be there. And maybe I could show him my own skills. So I finished up my board work and met him outside.
He lost his board already!? The tweakers jumped him and yanked his board, throwing it all over the street. They messed up his knee, so I HAD to get everything. It's not easy climbing over houses, but I did. After I got his stuff, we warmed up around town. We skated the old swimming pool outside the high school. It was set up for Muska's show, so why wouldn't we? The drainage ditch was also fancied up, but I spent plenty of time at our makeshift half pipe between the houses. Why did our tiny town feel so skateboard accessible? Is it because Mike Vallely is from here?
After getting stretched, Chad Muska's showcase started. He mostly just showed off his pimped out SUV's sound system, so I figured now's the time. I started showing off everything I could: street skills, vert tricks, manuals, and grinds. I can do them all! And Muska noticed! He said I showed promise and even replaced my gnarled board! AAAHHHHHH!!! Finally, he told me to talk to Stacy Peralta.
I headed over to the skate shop the next day and saw a dude meditating on the postbox. That was Stacy Peralta, and he told me that if I wanted to sign with him, I'd have to impress the skaters already with him. And I did just that! After reminding everyone who I was, I was in. I wasn't fully involved in the way of free swag, but I have my entry point into the biz!
Eric, myself, and a bunch of other locals had a good night planned, but the junkies across the street ruined it. They stole a bunch of our stuff, so I decided to get it back. It was my street, and I knew it the best, after all. I snuck my way over to their base by climbing over roofs, but Eric beat me there? And he's out in the open? This was the first time I thought how sketchy he was. Out of revenge, he torched the drug car...
We fled and found a place to crash, but our peace was short lived. They knew Eric destroyed their car and wanted revenge. I called in some favors for him to get across the bridge in town. The 5-0 had it blocked for no reason! He had to bully the train guard, but we needed to get some tickets out of town. We had to escape the tweakers, and Peralta would make us full members if we showed him something new. Something not from Jersey. And it was off to Manhattan!
As we did in Jersey, we dominated New York! We shredded the riverfront, manualed the office park, and did a little bit of vandalism to the monument... We also helped out a local nut vendor by giving him a monopoly on his nuts. And shout out to the dudes I filmed!
After Eric filmed me jumping over a burning taxi, we sent our tapes to Stacy, and he loved them. He told us we had to hit up the Tampa Pro-Am and even hooked us up with his vintage tour bus to get there. Eric and I walked into the park, but I wasn't allowed in! The snake never turned in my paperwork! Eric got into the competition, and I was locked out. But I'm a badass and knew I could figure something out.
And I did.
The man, the myth, the legend himself, Tony Hawk, was outside of the building in the practice park. He wanted to see if anyone could show him something cool, so I put on my best trick line ever!!! Hawkman got me into the competition, where I did what I always do! I won the street competition and got a perfect score in the vert. It was myself vs Sparrow in the finals. He got what was coming to him: embarrassment. I doubt he'll try to screw me again...
With my win, all the board companies wanted me. I joined up with Element because Muska giving me a board meant so much to me, and it was off to San Diego for us.
I met the team manager, Todd, who was having a snack before going to dinner. But he told me we were here to take sick footage for the magazines, so I was officially a part of a skate team. But I wasn't done yet..."
Monday, December 2, 2024
I am the Master of Vandal Hearts
I'd like to relinquish my title, please.
Vandal Hearts is a game my well known neighbor friend randomly introduced me to. I don't know why. I didn't play it much, as it didn't strike my fancy, but the fact I even remember it means I need to play it for this blog. If I remember playing it, I need to do it again after the end of the world! It's a tactical RPG, which is hella rad, with political intrigue as a plot. I went in expecting a knockoff of Final Fantasy Tactics, and guess what I got?
Garbage.
Plot: pointless. There are twelve playable characters in VH, and only three feel important. There are four worthwhile villains, and they're all boring. When it comes to the story, it's a mess. There are multiple Deus ex twists, including a vital mcguffin that just appears with no explanation and three secret character backstories with zero foreshadowing. I liked that all the antagonists had a separate view of being evil, but none were fully explored. 3/10
Gameplay: unfun. There are twelve characters, each with a class. The problem is most of those classes lack skills. So all any melee character gets to do is basic attacks. Mages get an array of extras, but there are only four magic users. And only two are offensive. It ends up being boring. At least each battle feels different, and they try to mix up the win conditions. 2/10
Sound: fine. My biggest issue with the game is how many tracks are militaristic. This is a war game, so that makes sense, and I can knock it too much. There are a good assortment of other options, so it's fine. My second issue is every song is played only once. It's kinda cool, but it doesn't let anything linger and stick. 7/10
Art: interesting. Every character's art is ugly. They look like they're out of King's Quest, the old Sierra point-and-click adventure franchise. I hate it. The sprite work makes up for it, and there's plenty of stuff to look at, but all those sharp heads are a turn off. 9/10
Charm: awful. I was nice and gave a point to the NPCs because the one we meet is actually important. 1/10
Negatives: the writing is terrible, and the secret auto win class is nonsense for several reasons. -4
Add everything together, and Vandal Hearts is an 18 out of 50.
I started cheating halfway through the game. I was curious about the plot, but that ended up being a letdown. The battles are borderline tedious, so it made me want to quit early. I think I should have. The game sums itself up well during the final cutscene with one quote:
"Ultimately, not much changed..."
The world is in the same place as before, and nothing we did helped. I guess we kept it from being destroyed, but I feel like we helped to get there in the first place. I did not have fun with Vandal Hearts.
Vandal Hearts is a game my well known neighbor friend randomly introduced me to. I don't know why. I didn't play it much, as it didn't strike my fancy, but the fact I even remember it means I need to play it for this blog. If I remember playing it, I need to do it again after the end of the world! It's a tactical RPG, which is hella rad, with political intrigue as a plot. I went in expecting a knockoff of Final Fantasy Tactics, and guess what I got?
Garbage.
Plot: pointless. There are twelve playable characters in VH, and only three feel important. There are four worthwhile villains, and they're all boring. When it comes to the story, it's a mess. There are multiple Deus ex twists, including a vital mcguffin that just appears with no explanation and three secret character backstories with zero foreshadowing. I liked that all the antagonists had a separate view of being evil, but none were fully explored. 3/10
Gameplay: unfun. There are twelve characters, each with a class. The problem is most of those classes lack skills. So all any melee character gets to do is basic attacks. Mages get an array of extras, but there are only four magic users. And only two are offensive. It ends up being boring. At least each battle feels different, and they try to mix up the win conditions. 2/10
Sound: fine. My biggest issue with the game is how many tracks are militaristic. This is a war game, so that makes sense, and I can knock it too much. There are a good assortment of other options, so it's fine. My second issue is every song is played only once. It's kinda cool, but it doesn't let anything linger and stick. 7/10
Art: interesting. Every character's art is ugly. They look like they're out of King's Quest, the old Sierra point-and-click adventure franchise. I hate it. The sprite work makes up for it, and there's plenty of stuff to look at, but all those sharp heads are a turn off. 9/10
Charm: awful. I was nice and gave a point to the NPCs because the one we meet is actually important. 1/10
Negatives: the writing is terrible, and the secret auto win class is nonsense for several reasons. -4
Add everything together, and Vandal Hearts is an 18 out of 50.
I started cheating halfway through the game. I was curious about the plot, but that ended up being a letdown. The battles are borderline tedious, so it made me want to quit early. I think I should have. The game sums itself up well during the final cutscene with one quote:
"Ultimately, not much changed..."
The world is in the same place as before, and nothing we did helped. I guess we kept it from being destroyed, but I feel like we helped to get there in the first place. I did not have fun with Vandal Hearts.
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