Songs I think are Magic: pt. 3

I last spoke about UNKLE, so let's keep that connection here. As you'd expect if you read part two, Gavin Clark may have made UNKLE a big shot on this playlist. How many times did I type his name? How many times did I write something depressing?

Gavin Clark's solo and band work is vastly different from the EDM of UNKLE, but it's no less enjoyable or magical. Whether it be his singer-songwriter stuff or either of his bands, everything he touches becomes a supernatural daydream. Or maybe a nightmare? He started his career in film score for friends, but it never took off. But then those friends kept recognizing his talents and formed a band, even when he was ready to pack it in. That first band was Sunhouse, and they released one album. In 1998, Crazy on the Weekend became the greatest album in English acoustic rock I've ever heard. Admittedly, it's a tiny sample size. The whole cd/cassette could be on here, as it's a tiny spell book unto itself, but two tracks, in particular, stand out.

Despite painting a bleak forward, let's talk about an incredibly happy song first! "Spinning Around the Sun" is gently guided by a soothing acoustic guitar rift. It's a series of single notes that are just so happy. I don't know if I know how to jaunt, but I really want to. The lyrics jump back and forth between a current timeline and a past one. Presently, the singer tries to get someone to fall in love with them by trying to take them away from their "pain." The chorus and pre chorus indicate that it worked and are in the past tense form. Now they're living happily in a world with no weight. I get an existential nihilist vibe from the song. After all, we're all just spinning around the sun. Beneath all this is an accordion. It's a bit muted but is clearly there and is just as peppy. A harmonica and an unknown wind instrument also show up to this chill session because friends are good.

"Monkey Dead" is less happy. And if you gander at the lyrics, it's downright distressing. The music is a basic, slightly repetitive, acoustic chord progression, which doesn't change much. But the song never loses its luster or intrigue. There's a full band, which is kinda rare on the album, so maybe that's it? The lyrics take some thinking about. They give me a vibe that something in this person's life is terrible. Lines like, "kick me out of this blood-ridden bed, Lord." don't paint a pretty picture. To say nothing of "beat me blind" and this talk about a drowned monkey. The chorus has a haunting aura about not knowing where "it's" been, going, or if it'll make it through the night. It's made worse by how Clark sings it. There's something terrifying about both of these songs on the same album.

Sadly, Sun House only had one album. It reviewed well but didn't sell. They broke up shortly after, and Gavin Clark sorta disappeared for six years. Wikipedia has no information during this time, but he reemerged to form Clayhill. According to Spotify, they recorded two albums and an acoustic hits version.

The first song here, though, is a cover song. I didn't know this the first time I heard it, but "Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want" is by The Smiths. The only thing I know about them is Morrissey is a wanker. Regardless of who's singing it, the song is a prayer to a god from someone at rock bottom. They just want one good thing to happen to them for once. It resonates with me as I've said the same things to a god I've lost all faith in.


Mine at Last is an album I haven't listened to a lot. Most of it is okay, but there are two more songs that belong in my spellbook.

I'm pretty sure "One Nerve" is an angry song, but you wouldn't guess that based on the instrumentation. It's mellow and relaxing, and Clark kinda mumbles the lyrics in his strange, radical way. The lyrics tell of a broken relationship. Someone who thinks too highly of themselves is "breaking me down one love at a time." I have a decent idea of what that "love" may be. The singer is tired of dealing with this "spoke in the wheel" and wants the narcissist to finish this. It's gonna hurt both of them, but the relationship is over, so why not? I don't know why this resonates so much with me, but maybe it's just the way the lyrics and the melody work together to form something mysterious. Or because I have a bad relationship with my parents. ...should l go back to therapy?

"Mari-Sol" is depressing, but I don't know why. It could be the guitar, which plays a few notes sprinkled between sentences. It's just five notes played in a way that kills the vibe while Clark does his mumble thing again. I don't know what Mari-Sol is, but its scenery isn't pleasant. Besides the dark clouds, the only other color related is the blue of morphine. I get the idea that someone important to the singer is gone or about to leave. He asks the question, "are you gonna fly alone here" as part of the chorus. The music picks up and almost starts to rock at this point, but it's still somber. Other lines seem to indicate that this person helped the writer in a few ways, and now they're hurt by this situation. I assume this is a drug thing based on the morphine line and the last few lyrics of the song. "Are you gonna kill the pain? With all but air in your veins? And who wants to die alone here?" There are still things left unsaid...


Small Circle is an acoustic album. It contains a few tracks from the previous album, a couple songs from a future CD, and some more random stuff thrown in to fill out the tracklist. I'm going to skip this album because I want you to decide what version is better.

Afterlight contains three songs on this list, which means a third of the album has wizard like attributes.

"Figure of Eight" is, in some ways, an odd musical arrangement. The drums give me D&B vibes, as they're something you might hear in hip hop. The only other instrument, though, is a simple guitar that I'm not sure is tuned correctly. Regardless, it only plays five notes for all five minutes of its runtime, and it's really upbeat. There are the occasional backing guitars that call the chorus to action, and the drums take a break occasionally, but those five notes just keep ringing. Towards the end, there's a cello solo? You can also hear that a bass has been playing the whole time at this point, so this song grows the more you replay it. Most of the lyrics seem to be about the chaos of life and the ebb and flow of time. Sometimes things work, and you meet someone you love. Too bad there's a lot in this world that keeps people apart. "I'm almost certain we're victims of circumstance." The chorus starts with a happy thought of love but ends with Clark wondering if Jesus is real. "We are but free will and fate in a figure of eight."

"Northern Soul" is probably the song I've heard the most. After a few seconds, where the instruments warm up, the song kicks into a few chords with a million other guitars in the background. Add in the drums, and you get lost in the melodic cacophony of acoustic fiddles. The verses are simple, but the chorus confuses this awful musician. Despite that, it's really exciting! It's so much fun to hear. The lyrics are similar to Figure of Eight, but it takes the opposite outlook. "New rain is gonna fall" and make things rough, but "new love" and "wine is gonna come." I don't know what a Northern Soul is, but they're the ones who can turn a river, tame a sea, and raise a nation. Go Scotland?

"Afterlight" is not a jovial tune. The untuned guitar is back, as is Clark's low hum. The guitar notes have a surprisingly large amount of bars it plays through, and it tries to end with some dissonance that I can get behind. Chords ring out and get louder during the chorus, but they somehow just get more depressing. Play a minor progression as loud as you want; it's still sad. About sixty percent through, a violin reminds us that life sucks. As for the lyrics, they're the downsides of the last two songs. Ultimately, the previous songs have glimpses of hope in them. But this song is about the sad outcomes of broken fate. "Will you make it back"? "We fall, and we lost." "We must have spiraled out of control." The common phrase that's sung several times throughout is, "Today's darkest cloud is yesterday's light." Time doesn't heal all wounds. It's a great ending credits theme to a sad movie, which fits with Clark's score history.

Before moving on, I just want to touch on Toydrum. I didn't enjoy Evangelist, which was posthumously released shortly after Gavin Clark died, but Toydrum did the ending credits for This is England. I've been writing this blog for three years, and it's shown that I'm not a great writer. And my music knowledge is even worse, and it's going to show here. I can't describe anything about "I've got a Future." It's got reverb, and that's it. The chorus sounds kinda happy, but there's no way these synths are uplifting. There's also the single most haunting thing I've heard in here. Through Clark's distorted and breathy voice, he belts out, "You're as useless as me." It's giving me goosebumps thinking about it, and I'm no longer in a good state of mind.


The first time I heard Gavin Clark's only (not OST) solo album, I kinda hated it. Hate might be a strong word, but I expected a lot more from the guy who vocalized my favorite UNKLE songs. It's a perfectly fine British acoustic rock album. If you're into that sort of thing, I'm sure it's great. At least, that's what I thought for the first half. Beautiful Skeletons is a double vinyl album, meaning it has four sides with a combined twenty two tracks. Side one are acoustic Sunhouse songs, so I have no idea where my head was a few years ago to find them middling. But track eleven completely changed my mind. But I'll get to that at the end...

"When We Had Faces" is a folk tune with a banjo. It's barely around while Clark sings to let his voice and lyrics shine. Otherwise, it's surprisingly jaunty! There's a relaxing snare drum in the back, and it's only there to remind you of the passing of time. There are a few more strings that show up during the chorus to fill the space. Despite the qualities, the song has a rather somber feel to it. And the lyrics prove it. The very first line is about a dead person. "They say the hand of god delivered the blow." But the writer feels guilt. The writer abandoned their friend a long time ago, and that was what led their friend to their death. And now the survivor feels an immense amount of blame. There seems to be a bit of remembrance going on, but the other verses make me rethink that. Apparently, this is another song from This is. England. I'm starting to think I should watch that to get context for these songs. Will that make them better or worse?


"Painted Glass" has the musical qualities of the last song. I may have a type. The same can be said about the lyrics. This time, they speak about hopes and dreams, but the vibe is they're doing it in a bad situation. The singer, and many others, have been alone for a long time. So long now that the singer has "been waiting for a death." The chorus is about how small the group has become. It's probably about war, but my weeb brain is thinking Eighty-Six.

"Never Seen the Sea" is as stripped back as you can get. Zero choruses, one guitar, and ten notes. As you should expect, the lyrics are about a dead friend. The whole thing is a eulogy about a friend who sought knowledge "but never seen the sea." I doubt that's literal, as the UK is pretty small, but the idea is poignant nonetheless. Especially to me, a man who's never seen the ocean but kinda wants to.

"The Russian" is one of the greatest songs I've ever heard. I couldn't make out the lyrics until recently, and I'm reading them for the first time as I write this. I hope they hold up! An out-of-tune guitar is the most powerful tool in the world, and "The Russian" proves it. It plays a simple harmonic raise until it plays a few sad notes and restarts. There's a backing guitar as well, and I think it just plays the chords of the single note guitar. The chorus does something similar, but it's a descending scale before playing a rhythmic, repeating solo. Despite being a simple guitar, the entire song feels frantic. It's almost terrifying that an acoustic guitar can do this. It's not mellow or sad, and an electric guitar would ruin the whole thing. It's not chaos by any means, but it's very controlled. It's almost hypnotic. There are no bridges, breakdowns, or other song terms I'm not 100 percent sure I'm using correctly, but, unlike the other tracks from the album, it lasts five minutes. But even then, it doesn't overstay. In fact, I kinda want more. And it's only one and a half verses and three choruses. Is this a horror song? There is more war imagery in the lyrics. "Sirens they are screaming, tearing through the air." Ultimately, though, it doesn't matter. The writer "doesn't need to figure out if I'm blessed, or I'm cursed." Their "paper thin existence" is brunt anyway. Despite the 'lax' guitars, Clark's voice has so much magic in it that it carries us to hell and back in five minutes. His producer, filmmaker Shane Meadows, knows talent.


I promise there are genuinely happy songs in my theoretical spellbook, but I just haven't written about them yet. Gavin Clark was a man whose life was, judging by his songs, filled with woe and sadness. He dealt with alcoholism throughout his life, and he died because of breathing complications from it. Many of his friends and musical contributors spoke lovingly of him when he passed. For a man who gave up on music, I can only hope his works will stand the test of time, and he gets the fame he deserves one day.

Will my next update be filled with joy? Will it be smaller so it won't take three months to type? Who knows?

And Thus the Legend Began

"And so we marched. We burst into Zoma's Castle and saw it utterly empty. We checked around the keep and only saw a dead end. All four stairwells took us to the same place. But we searched around the throne. A supposedly crazy man in Rimuldar suggested a secret path there, and it turns out madmen can be correct.

The layout of his basements are surprisingly generic from what we've already seen. It's filled with various obstacles we've already mastered, so it was only the monster horde that impacted us. And all they did was help us. Zoma's hordes only made us stronger! It was quite the struggle, but it was nothing we couldn't handle. And then we saw an ally.

A lone man was fighting Hydra King, another underling of Zoma. He handled his own for a good while, but the beast won out in the end. His fire breath was relentless. And all we did was watch on from the back. Hydra King defeated the warrior and slunk deeper into the keep, and we checked on the fallen. He said his name was Ortega! Arusu's father? He couldn't see us, but he knew we were there. He urged us to find Aliahan because his daughter lived there. He wanted to apologize for missing so much of her life. Arusu watched in silence as her father passed. I'll never know why we watched on and didn't aid him. And her lack of reaction is something that will always stick with me. In hindsight, I believe this broke our leader in ways I can never comprehend.

But it didn't break her commitment. We continued to the final throne and alter of the God of Destruction, Zoma. We've defeated his stone guards and mobile hoards, so the revived corpse of Baramos was nothing. Neither was his disembodied soul. The Hydra King was a bit more worthy, but all of us were wearing armor that reduces breath and magic damage, so it was pure attrition, which we could finally handle. And so we stood before the true archfiend. We used our wizard rings and made sure we were fully healed before our final approach.

Zoma reminded us who he was and how we were nothing compared to him. I think there was more to his speech, but I was too focused to pay attention to him. And for good measure, too.

Zoma had quick reaction speeds. He could use both a fire breath attack and an ice spell. Those could be defended against with a good Barrier and our armor. His physical attacks were a bit rougher to handle, but Increase worked. Despite being a borderline god, he was vulnerable to Defense, making our Bikilled fighters chunk him. That is, of course, if we could even hit him. We tried to damage the beast for a while, but nothing worked. And then Arusu remembered something! The Light Orb! She picked it up with Carmellos, so I never knew, but the gift from the dying Dragon Queen was the most important item given to us on this journey. It negated Zoma's impenetrable magic field.

There was another massive problem with our usual strategy, though. Zoma could simply nullify it. He had the ability to remove all buffs and debuffs, and he did so quite often. But I considered that a good trade. Any time he wasn't beating on us was a win. Cordy and I would cast those spells, and Zoma would remove them. But we'd do it again anyway. And it worked! Arusu had to Healusall twice while learning his strategy, but none of us died. Three healers, two physical powerhouses, and the love and hope of everyone we've met since leaving Aliahan led to Arusu cleaving the wannabe god in two. His last words were swearing that someone like him would return long after we died. All of this could happen again?

Zoma was dead, and his castle began to crumble. We fell into a sinkhole, but we wound up in the North Cave. But it was at peace. We walked out unmolested and reached the light of the sun in peace. The World of Darkness is dark no more, and the light shines again. But the hole between Alefgard and Aliahan closed. Were we stuck here?

We returned to Tintagel. Just as they had in Aliahan, the citizens thanked us. The King did the same, and his soldiers played their trumpets for us. I got a bad feeling, but no super Zoma showed up. King Lars gave Arusu the title of Ruto, and, at last, we were at peace.

But Zoma's final words shook Arusu. She believed every word and began to prepare for that event. Shortly after the celebrations, Arusu disappeared. She contacts Tryton, Cordy, and myself from time to time, and we've stayed quiet about her whereabouts. It's not nice, as the four of us are stuck in Alefgard, but what else can be done? There are a few others from the world above, but most of them are their own islands. But I think the ordeal changed her. She saved two worlds, saw her father die, left her mother alone, and now she's stuck in a strange world. For a young girl who just wanted to nap, this was not ideal.

If anyone is reading this, then you're likely the children of Ludo Arusu. I loved your mother, so I can only hope you are also my children. But even if you're not, take our words with great gravitas. Arusu has chiseled a note in stone where we saved the world. Those are her words. As for me, remember this. You are never alone if you fight on the side of the light. You are surrounded by allies on the field and at home. Talk to everyone on your travels; they will guide you in ways you might not understand. Besides the legendary armor of Ludo, there are other items scattered about the world you will need. Don't let our legacy fade, and go make your own. "

-Sage Cid

---

And with that, I've finished the Eldrick Saga of Dragon Quest. And it was phenomenal! Playing historical games is always worth it. That being said, I don't know what else to say about DQ3 that I haven't for the other two. So let's just quickly review it!


Plot: not great. I liked the story, but the cast of characters and villains suck. Nothing is more representative of this than the scene where we meet Ortega, who we've been following for the last twenty hours. But the Hero doesn't do anything. No teary reunion, no gritty words of wisdom, no emotion. And bosses are your typical bland DQ affair. Had I not added Kandar to the list, DQ3 would be the first RPG with a zero. And it only gets a one because of my generous rounding. 7/10

Gameplay: best in the franchise. The vocation system was started here, and it practically perfected it. You can change your job, but everything you've done wasn't wasted. You keep your spells and half your stats. It's better than IX in that regard and more fun than VI. 9/10

Art: best in the franchise. Being based on the DQVI engine has its perks, mainly that it looks amazing. It's also learned from its predecessor's mistakes, and the devs added more stuff to look at. 8/10

Sound: I hate Koichi Sugiyama. He may have been a racist, but he and Wagner have a lot in common. 10/10

Charm: I love vocations. Jobs allow for so much replayability and challenge runs. Can you win without a sage, a rare job anyway? What do other roles have that makes them fun? It's a shame NPCs were so short lived. Poor Ortega. 8/10

With no active negatives, Dragon Quest III for the Super Nintendo gets a 42/50. Had any named character had any bit of personality, I'd probably consider this a game that has aged well. I'm sure it was amazing for the 80s, but the medium has grown, and I kinda hate this game. Characterization is the most important thing in a game to me, which is why I still think DQV is the best. DQIII has the best final grade, but Abel's friends make the Heavenly Bride better than the Seeds of Salvation. But seriously, this was amazing! Go play it!

Ortega's Footsteps

"Life in the Dark World is similar to life where we're from. People eke out their meager existences just trying to get by. They work, they love, they fear. Everyone knows of Zoma, and we won't let him get away with what he's planning to do!

The first thing we did down here was figure out what was going on. Zoma stole three legendary treasures of Tintsgel Castle, and Arusu believes these will greatly aid us if we get them. But even if we do, there's the obstacle of HOW we get to Zoma's castle. Despite being across a river from Tintagel, shoals block our ship's passage. However, we can form a bridge with the Sunstone and the Rain Staff. But where are those? And while we're down here, it seems Ortega is nearby.

We walked around the isolated continent, starting from Tintagel. Our old friend Kandar was in a jail cell here, and he told us the Sunstone was somewhere in the castle. But we couldn't find it.

There was a cave north that we walked past. Peaking our heads in revealed an anti magic field around it. Sometimes it would fade, so we went in. Hidden at the bottom was an incredibly powerful shield.

South of that was the Haukness Desert. A stable hand told us about an ln brilliantly shiny object in a nearby bush. She couldn't use it, so she gave it to us.

Further south, and then east, is the fort city of Cantlin. They've surrendered to their fate and have given up on life. They await Zoma.

South of them is a shrine run by fairies. Despite not liking humans, they know we're the only ones who can save them. They handed over the Rain Staff.

Across the river, east of the North Cave, is the forest village of Kol. A blacksmith from Zipang opened an item shop and bought the hunk of metal from us. We returned a few days later to learn that metal was the legendary orichalcum, the same thing the Sword of Kings was made out of. Zoma broke the one he stole in Tintagel, and it took him three days, so this is the key to survival. He sold it to us for 30000 gold. Elsewhere in this town was a flute hidden in the bushes...

In a tower to the north is where a statue is located. After figuring out the disorienting floor graphs, we discovered the Goddess Rubiss. She thanked us for freeing her with the Fairy Flute and blessed us with her gift: a strange amulet. It's easy to skim over, but we found the final stolen treasure of Tintagel here, the Light Armor.

But we still needed the Sunstone! We had made Tintagel our base of operations, and Tryton and I were feeling peckish one night. We snuck into the kitchen and were waiting for the pot to heat up our leftover chicken. The big man leaned against the wall, and it fell apart, revealing a room. Inside was the Sunstone.

In the southeast corner of this world is another shrine. The man there combined the Sunstone and Rain Staff to create the Rainbow Drop! We were ready...almost. In the village of Rimuldar was another Zen Book. This time, Cordy made use of it. The group now has two suped-up sages ready for the final push. While Cordy figured out her new skills, we went around the world one last time. We found some of the strongest gear in various chests in new dungeons and gained enough money for new stuff in shops. Our defense is as good as it'll get as is our attack. Anything more will be minuscule. Cordy can learn a lot more spells, but Arusu believes it's time to end this before it goes bad. We're camped out near the Rainbow Bridge, which we quickly made north of Rimuldar. We couldn't find Sir Ortega, but that means he's still alive. Regardless, the legend of Arusu will complete soon. One way or another!"

Arch Friend

"Just as there was a frozen continent up north, so too was there one south. A grand cathedral was erected there by unknown people, but there were only two young girls there now. They were twins and spoke with an eerie cadence, but they were the caretakers of an egg. They told us that the six orbs would revive Ramia the phoenix. Arusu placed the orbs on the pedestals around the egg, and they began to glow. The egg in the middle cracked, and a brilliantly beautiful bird rose from it. With white, red, and green plumage, it's easy to understand why such a creature would have a religion around it.

We guided Ramia (slowly) towards the Castle of the Archfiend. She let us down on a hill nearby, and we ventured in.

Inside were some of the hardest monsters we've seen. High powered mages, impenetrable golems, and worthless ice dragons all stood before us. But it was the metal babbles that took our interest. Splitting them open gave us advanced knowledge of magics. Cordy gained the ability to fully heal a friend and even all of us at the same time. Arusu learned from her, and I'm paying close attention now too. Because of the difficulty of this castle, we stayed around until we were confident in our ability to get below.

Baramos' Castle is a maze with many turnarounds, dead ends, and redundant passages. There's a shed nearby that's useless, and the main gates were also a fake entrance. The true way to the demon is in the back, around the east side of the trees. This is much of the same, but Baramos has added traps and damage floors to this route. But his minions fed us as we descended down until we reached the throne room of our enemy. He was shocked to see us but promised to eat our innards before beginning his attack.

His attacks were quick and powerful. Cordy and I tried our best to buff the team, but she had to quickly switch to healing. A few Barrier spells were vital to save us from Baramos' fire spell spam. Why did we think we were the only ones capable of teamwide spells? Fortunately, our all powerful opponent was susceptible to Cordy's Sap. Combine that with my Bikill, and Tryton and Arusu were chunking the demon. But still, he stood. So many times, all three healers had to hang back. We were running low on MP, and our bodies started slowing down. But still, we stood. For hours this war raged. For days, perhaps? Time lost all meaning during this adrenaline fed struggle. But, at last, with a perfectly swung Thunder Sword placed in the ideal spot, Lady Arusu slayed Baramos. His body faded away to the aether, and his last words condemned our futures. The light broke through, and I realized that we really were shrouded in a thin mist. A voice also rang out and congratulated us for saving the world, and she told us to return to Aliahan. In fact, I think she teleported us there.

The citizens welcomed us home and showered us with their praise and thanks. Arusu's mom reminded us to meet with the King. He, too, praised us, and his knights began to blow their trumpets for us. But then we learned we didn't do anything.

The world shook, and the top of the castle blew off. Lightning struck our poor trumpeters, killing all six of them. Another voice spoke to us, and a cloud appeared before us. Baramos was just an underling for the King of Destruction, Zoma. He told us he will plunge this world, just as he had the Underworld, into darkness. He will feed on our suffering. When he left, the King urged us to defeat this new threat.

We took Ramia back to Baramos' Castle. There was a pit there, and we figured it was important. Somehow, there were two guards here, but one fell into the pit during an earthquake. We jumped down and landed in a port. Two people were here, and it seems the guard survived too. One person gave us a boat to sail this new world. Apparently, Tintagel is to the east, and we took the long route to get here. The Dark World is a terrifying place..."

Orb Hunt

"We had visited most of the easy to find locations in the world, but there was one path we stopped following long ago. North of the Temples of Dharma is the Tower of Garuda. It's another maze like structure that's technically two. We walked across a few tight ropes to find treasure, but there was one thing of interest. The Zen Book. Written throughout it are words from wise men and women of the past. They teach of forgotten magics and techniques. The writers have mastered the way of both spell and blade, and we thought it was best to use them. We went to Dharma and spoke to the job man, who turned me into a sage. I have access to more black magic, white magic, and I know how to use better weapons. I kinda miss the boomerang utility, but this sword sure is great.

And so we sought out the magic orbs.

We had to run away before, but we went back to Zipangu. They have been terrorized by a hydra named Orochi for some time. Citizens fear their female relatives will be sacrificed to it, and they fear the words of their priestess, Himiko. Speaking of who, she didn't like us and demanded we leave. We did, but we visited that cave. Orochi is located in a volcanic cave to the north. The dragon sat at the bottom, and it instantly attacked us.

This was a tough battle, but we were in control the whole time because I gained some healing spells on the way down here. Three healers, with two having various de/buffs, gave us the edge we needed. Cordy made sure Orochi's basic attacks couldn't harm us and then Sapped it to make sure ours did. I protected us from the dragon's fire breath attacks and made sure Arusu and Tryton's swords cut deep. A few Speed ups finished off our buffs, and then we both started healing. The multi headed beast attacked with ferocious succession, so it was the best the two could do. We won the battle, but this war was not over. It ran away into a red portal. Of course, we gave chase. It took us to Himiko's room in town.

She was injured, and an attendant was trying to heal her. As we approached with questions, she gave us the feeling that she was Orochi. The woman dared to threaten us, but we didn't care. We were going to end her terror.

There is nothing more dangerous than a cornered animal. The rematch was much of the same, but her fire felt hotter, and the other head seemed to have woken up to aid in accuracy. And we didn't start the fight in good health. But, as we had before, our strategy worked. She was the animal bleeding out and could not adjust.

The town awoke with a feeling of relief. They knew their daughters would no longer be killed for a false god. We found Himiko's treasure, which was the Purple Orb. The townsfolk seemed to think Arusu was worthy of being a god.

Cordy remembered a jail cell in the ghost town of Tedanku. Inside the cell was a ghost who gave us his Green Orb.

The Red Orb was found south of Samanou in the home of the pirates. We snuck in during the day and found it in the basement treasury. They came back just as we were leaving, but they were cool with our plunder. They've heard of us and were glad to be of help in these dark times. What a kind group of pirates.

Now, we need to talk about Xander. Whatever has been said about him is something I won't comment on. I know the citizens of Xanderberg think he enslaved them, but hear me out. No one died, and everyone got paid. Xander built up the town and opened it to everyone who needed comfort from the storm. And he did this to purchase the Yellow Orb for us. Don't think too negatively of him, for Arusu's sake.

While traveling for this, we heard about the true use of the Sword of Gaia. It can cut a mountain in half. One such volcano was near the Necrogrund Pass. North of Tedanku is where Batamos lives. In fact, that's why the town was wiped away. We couldn't venture into his castle, but we could reach a shrine nearby. We had to pass through our toughest challenge yet. The eternal passages of the cave just kept going. We used our MP and nearly all our HP. We did battle against creatures who've grown used to the volcano nearby and the dark magics of the archfiend. But we cannot be denied. The priest in the tower handed over the Silver Orb, but it's the information he gave us that was vital to us. Far to the south is a town called Liamland, and the phoenix Ramia is there.

On behalf of Arusu, I'd like to think those in Lozami for all their clues."

---

The Immigration Town is an amazing idea. I got my friends thrown in jail!

Ra again

"Descending into the Samanosa Cave was much easier after the metal slime massacre. It helped that we managed to find the stairs down, too. The second floor is a path of treasure. None of it is great, but we wanted it! Ultimately, it was a trap. There were four mimics at the end of the path, but, while they were easier than the Pyramid ones, were still not worth it. The conventional looking trail was also a lie. It was a bit more worthwhile to traverse, as it lead to more stuff. Ultimately, we found a hole on the second floor in the southeast corner. Falling down it led to the Mirror of Ra. It shows the true form of whatever it reflects.

We returned to the castle and waited for the so-called King to sleep. We then snuck back into his room and saw that everyone's suspicion was correct. This was a fake! The Boss Ogre woke up, and the top of the castle became a battlefield.

BO only used physical attacks, but he managed to swing his hammer with so much force that the spin could strike twice. Cordy raised everyone's defense because our enemy shrugged off most debuffs. She managed to harm his defense eventually, but Surround was ineffective. Arusu had to help Heal occasionally, but the big lug didn't have anything surprising up his sleeve, so we managed pretty well. We then freed the real King, who took back his throne in the morning. As thanks, he gave us the Change Rod. The rest of the town was thrilled that peace had returned. Our only regret was that we couldn't get here in time. Had we managed a day sooner, that little girl would still have her father...

There was a man around the castle looking for his father, Simon. We've been through so many locations, never hearing about him, but we promised to keep an ear out for it.

The Change Rod will alter its user's form. The appearance is random, and we became sexy dancers, old men, and even dwarfs. Using that form, we tried to participate in capitalism with the Fairy Village. They didn't have anything good. Elsewhere, there was a large continent of ice up north. We found a mage up there who was curious about the Rod. He offered to trade it for a Sailor's Bone. Arusu agreed for some strange reason, so now we have 1/206th of a corpse!

We took a break and sailed around the Meditan Sea. Doing so gave us a fright. We stumbled upon a ghost ship. Old crew members were still working on the boat, but Baramos' demons may have been forcing them. We spoke to a ghost, Eric, and even picked up his locket. While sailing, we stumbled into an isolated shrine to a woman named Olivia. The priest here told us how she killed herself after her love, Eric, died. Is there a connection? We returned to the shrine and tried to sail past, but a tremendous wind drove us back. Tryton threw the locket into the air, and more ghosts appeared above. Olivia and Eric danced across the sky. They flew off after speaking how hopeful their future is now that they're back together. Death can be a thing of beauty? The winds ceased, and we carried on to the Shrine of Shackles. Nothing was there except the skeleton of Simon and his sword, Sword of Gaia. We tried to return it to his son, but he told us to keep it. It's not very good, but we didn't tell him this.

We then got lost. Wanting new perspectives, Arusu switched out the party. We could use the rest, so no one complained. But we did worry. During our break, they found the village of Soo. More importantly, Xander left the party. With Arusu's permission, he went to help found a new city. Drew and Jessica got some much needed experience, but Arusu brought us back after a few days. She may not have needed to.

We were talking about the hidden giant temple at Lancel. It turns out it's hidden behind the trees! The temple is a gateway to Gaia's Navel, but only one person is allowed in at a time. Arusu went alone. According to our leader, the Dragon Tail whip made this a simple task. She returned with a great piece of armor and the Blue Orb. This reminded us that the light keeper mentioned six orbs that will allow us to travel without the ship."

The Frozen Key

"The light keeper suggested going west, but we went east from the ghost town to find Lancel. The townsfolk speak highly of their shrine, but none of us could spot it. And it wasn't just us either, so we're not just four idiots trying to save the world. But they did have something fun, the invisible herb. Rubbing this yourself will make you invisible. We had no need for this at the moment, but we all saw a possible use for it if need be. And it's a good thing we did.

North of Portoga is Edinbear. It's home to snotty prudes who think we're hicks! All four of us are well educated people. One speaks for god, I'm a writer, and Arusu is the chosen one from a knightly lineage. She was also Queen once! Tryton does exhibit traits from time to time, I'll give the Edins that, but there's no way this guard could know that. Regardless, the front gateman would not let us through. So we used the recently acquired herb to sneak in. The effect doesn't last long, but it got us in. Once inside, everyone accepted us well enough. But we were spurned. The basement had a rock puzzle, and we had to push three of them onto three squares. Doing so revealed a secret passage. Hidden there was the Thirsty Pot. Legend has it, the Pot can drain the ocean. Others in the castle tell about a sunken island hidden in shoals somewhere in the North Sea. Guess where we went!

Between a frozen straight, where Mor and the Shrine we got the Echo Flute are, was a series of corals. Tryton threw the Pot in, and an island emerged from the frigid waters. There was a shrine that contained the Final Key! We can now open every door on the planet, even jail cells. We went around the world to where we knew we could now go and found some new things.

When we started going to new places, we found the castle of Samanou. We witnessed a funeral, and parishioners informed us the local King had gone mad. We were allowed into the keep and snuck around to get deeper in, but we couldn't get to certain places. We eventually said screw it and got captured. We were thrown into jail, but we had the Final Key, so we easily escaped. We freed the others who were imprisoned under questionable standards, and we even found the real King. He warned us about the Change Rod, which an imposter is using to rule in his stead. Something is located in a cave to the south that can help us.

But it was tough going. Mobs kept reviving themselves and stealing our magic. They weren't strong, but we're not equipped for such attrition. We eventually left and decided to get a lay of the land. We found several groups of metal slimes! We couldn't defeat all of them, but we learned a lot from killing them. It's time to return to the cave."

To the Seas!

"The path under the Alpo Mountains, between Romaly and Portoga, was locked behind a Magic Key. We'll never learn why, but we opened it up and traveled to the port city. The denizens were clamoring for pepper, but the trade routes had been off. We assumed it was because of Baramos. The King, especially, was craving it. When we managed to speak to him, we found another lackadaisical ruler. But unlike the Romaly one, he gave us a way to proceed. King Portoga gave us a message that we would eventually hand to the angry dwarf, Norud. This note kicked the earthbound one into gear, and he revealed the hidden tunnel to us. We are now able to venture to the home of black pepper, Baharata.

If you're ever in the area, follow the river south. It's a long walk, and it's easy to get lost in the lengthy trek. When Arusu arrived in the city, we heard about a kidnapping. I got a terrible feeling of deja vu. A woman named Tania, the granddaughter of the pepper merchant, had been abducted. Her beloved, Gupta, ran after her. Arusu worried that ill might befall him, so we followed him to a cave in the north.

The layout was very strange. It feels like this could be a board game, but it's probably a mine shaft. Things important were in the corners of the 4x6 floor with a prison in the lower right. Blocking our way were four familiar thugs. After disposing of them, we saw Gupta in a cell. He told us about the nearby lever, and we freed him and Tania. It was heartwarming to see how happy the couple was to be back together. But that ebullience was short lived. As we began to exit the jail, Kandar was there.

He and two more hoodlums didn't take the mercy Arusu gave them, and now we're here. But things went much smoother this time. While these ne'er-do-wells rested on their vile laurels, we got stronger. Even using the same tactics, we made quick work of these four. Sadly, as before, Kandar begged for his life, and Arusu let him go free again. I get where she's coming from, but it was a bad idea the first time, and I suspect it'll get worse. We'll see him again, won't we?

Returning to Baharata, Tania and Gupta have taken over the pepper shop. As thanks for saving them, Gupta gave us some pepper. We quickly returned to Portoga, and the King was so thrilled he took a nap! He also gave us a ship.

We took to the seas and got our bearings. Fun fact, I get seasick quite easily. Across the bay from Portoga is a lighthouse. At the top was a man who gave us directions to various cities across the world. We ignored him and sailed around, visiting many other shrines. The only thing we found in our random wanderings was an Echo Flute. Cordy played it, but nothing happened. North of that tower was the isolated village of Mur. They called Arusu a cute but annoying name and seemed confused when she wasn't the man they expected. Why does everyone seem shocked that Arusu is a woman? It's an inconsequential location, but we did learn Sir Ortega had been here. In fact, he was the man they confused Arusu for. A child figured it out and gave her Oetega's Helm. It fit her perfectly, and Ortega's fame continues. Eventually, we did follow the light keeper's advice.

We found a ruined village called Tedabki. We showed up at night and saw a decent sized population among the ruins. A few told us that Baramos' Lair is in a nearby volcano. A wise man suggested we find the Final Key, which is probably a good choice. Because it was late, we bought a room at the inn. In the morning, though, no one was around. The entire village was gone. It was the most unsettling thing I've ever experienced."

Desert Queendom

"Asham is where Sir Ortega went to find a Magic Key. When we reached the town, the only thing to note was the belly dancers. The townsfolk do confirm that Ortega was here but left before finding the key. Apparently, he could simply rip locked doors off the hinges. Who was this man? I let others carry his tale, so I know little about him. But not even Tryton can rip apart doors, so we must continue to the kingdom of Isis, located in the desert to the south.

Far, far to the southwest is an oasis. On the otherside is the town of Isis. Because of the journey's length, we arrived at night. There was a man who could never sleep, but we had no way of helping him. We decided to visit the castle anyway and found a star bracelet hidden in its depths. It was guarded by a kind ghost who rewarded us with our honesty. I thought about lying, but Arusu wouldn't let me. I should follow my leader's advice more. This was also where we had our first contact with Baramos. He used one of the nation's many cats to mock us and suggest we return home. Our enemy is aware of us. In the morning, we met with the Queen. She told us of the Pyramid to the north that is said to house the Magic Key. It's a place filled with traps and puzzles. She also suggested the kids know a nursery rhyme which may be a clue to reaching it.

Across the sands we went, and we reached the iconic wonder. It was only six floors, but it felt larger.
The first floor was filled with pitfalls that took us to the basement.
That place had an anti magic field that prevented any spells from being used.
The second floor was a narrow hallway that gave us minor claustrophobia.
The third floor was where the nursery rhyme played into it. In each of the bottom corners are four switches, two on each side of a pedestal. Arusu has an amazing memory, or a strange magical spell, and figured out what it all meant. When we wrote it down, it made a lot of sense. Pressing the buttons in the proper form opened the way forward. Beyond the gate we cleared was the key we were looking for. But there was more to this place up top.
The fourth floor contained the graves of former Isis leaders and their treasures. It felt like grave robbing, but we promised to use the spoils for the sake of the world. We did beat the mummies in combat, so I consider it acceptable.
The fifth floor had a fancy dress no one could don. Above that was the exit to the top of the Pyramid. The anti magic field affected the top, so we were unable to Return away. I really should have made a mental note about the view, but I was too tired. Throughout the dungeon, many of the chests were empty. But those were the good ones. Many others were fake mimics that pushed us beyond our limits. Even Kandar would have had troubles against them. We felt like even a single attack from then could kill us, but we managed to clear the place out. Sadly, it wasn't worth it. Never fight a mimic.

With the Magic Key in hand, we did some castle treasury raiding. The guard in Aliahan "turned the other cheek," but we had to sneak into Isis'. The Queen helped us out, so we considered this a part of her deal. Hopefully, her kingdom understands.

We used a bit of downtime trying to figure out our next move. During it, we played some Pachisi. Arusu is the greatest to ever run the board. Cordy also read a joke book, so she fancies herself a comedian now. And being the tank has really changed Tryton's state of mind. He's no longer the lazy lunk he once was, and he's really getting into the valiant role. The dwarf, Nordy, refuses to let anyone go east of Asham. But he's friends with the Portuga King, so we used our new key to get past that blockade."

Regina Arusu I

"We traveled north from Romaly and then west from Khoryv. The Chanpane Tower is where the thief Kandar is held up. The citizens of Romaly believe Kandar stole the crown.

The tower was straightforward enough. There were a number of side rooms that were once used for esoteric stuff, but the workings have been lost to time. We walked around the outside of the spire for three floors until we reached the top. After opening the red doors, we met the thief himself. But he had a backup plan. As we rushed forward, a trap door was sprung beneath us. We only fell to the floor below, but it was enough. When we returned to the top, Kandar and his hoodlums were gone. But there was nowhere for them to have gone, so we peered over the end of the tower, expecting to see five corpses. Instead, they were running away. Forsaking her former laziness, Arusu threw herself from the top, and we followed. We landed on the ruffians, and a battle ensued.

For a heroic group like us, we had some issues here. Maybe it was the war of attrition that was the lead up to the tower and the trek up, but Kandar and his four hoodlums took all we had. Cordy and I used some of our recently learned buffs on us. She upped speed, and I made sure Tryton and Arusu were powered up. While this was happening, the frontline took out one ad after another. By the time we had the numbers advantage, Cordy Sapped Kandar's defense as our last ounce of MP ran dry. Just as we were about to collapse from the whole ordeal, Kandar gave up. He returned the crown and begged for mercy. I was in favor of vanquishing him from this plane, but Arusu felt like she had to let the whole gang go. I felt conflicted, but I'll trust our leader. Kandar's forces jumped from the tower, and we did the same. I had a wing of wyvern in my pocket that we used to return to Romaly.

As thanks for returning the royal crown, the King abdicated his throne, giving Arusu the role instead. She vowed to protect the kingdom from the archfiend but stepped aside as a traveler. Our group split up, and I watched the goings on.

Tryton and Cordy enjoyed their free time together. I didn't watch them much for obvious reasons.

But Arusu took her new title well. She looked as though the royal gown was suited for her, and the town took a liking to her. They asked for aid with their problems, and Arusu jotted them down. But she found the old King's whereabouts. He was gambling in the monster arena under the city. It seems he has a habit of spending all his time, as King or otherwise, down there. He didn't step down as a sign of goodwill but to waste away his existence here. Arusu grew furious and forced the wastrel back to the throne. Apparently, the chancellor has been ruler five times. Had we not had bigger things to do, I would have tried to convince her to remain. She'd make a wonderful ruler, and even the previous King agreed.

But we learned something during her reign. Far to the north is a cursed village, Noaniels. It was far, far to the north of Khoryv, but we got there. And the sights were troubling. Bodies littered the town, but they weren't corpses. Everyone was fast asleep. The only waking person informed us this was the elves' doing, and they lived off to the west. Hidden deep in the forest is the Super Secret Fairy Village. It's home to a small group of fae folk who hate humans. According to one old human, this resentment is due to an eloping between a fairy and her human lover. But the Fairy Queen believed it was a kidnapping. Her daughter ran away, taking the Dream Ruby with her. Arusu hoped returning the ruby would break the curse. The awake man in Noaniels believed the stone was in the Underground Lake south of the Fae Vil.

This is a hot springs grotto, and an onsen three floors down can be used to restore vitality. It was a long trek, so we made use of it. The cave was the most straightforward location we've been to yet. The only side path looped back, and the dead end at the bottom is quick to reach. Beware of the sleep mushrooms and the defenseive wolves. At the bottom was a somber discovery. While we found the Dream Ruby, we also found a note beside it. It was written by the fairy princess, Ann. She wrote that she loves her human and wants to live with him. But the Queen wouldn't allow it no matter what. Because their love can never be in this world, perhaps it will be in the other...

We returned to the village and told the Queen the truth. She was heartbroken and asked us to leave, which is an upgrade from her demands. She did give us the Wake Dust, which Tryton threw to the winds of Noaniels. Everyone awoke with no memory of what happened or how long. This village frozen in time revealed some important information for us. "Yesterday" Ortega left the village. He went to Asham, east of Romaly, to find a magic key. We tried to go there but got lost. So we stayed in Romaly a little while longer and made some internal plans to change the place. A republic seemed nice."

---

All of this was optional, apparently.

The Gospel of Cid

I've beaten Dragon Quest. I've finished Dragon Quest III. It's time to end this trilogy where it only makes sense: the beginning!

---

"I am a watcher. I always have been, and I always will be. My name is Cid, and I'm a mage apprentice who has roamed the Kingdom of Aliahan. This kingdom once ruled over the world, but their power has slowly waned over the years, and they're now content to exist in their isolated area of the globe. Our current history involves a warrior named Ortega. He left his home to fight against the new archfiend, Baramos. But he's yet to return home, and Baramos' power grows. Rumor has it he fell into a volcano. But our story begins on February 5th. [year redacted]. It was the child of Ortega's sixteenth birthday.

Just past noon, Arusu entered Rudia's Pub. We have been on call because the King ordered all able bodied warriors to meet here in preparation for her. Many were shocked to learn this Arusu was a girl. A girl who was late... I didn't know at the time why, but Arusu didn't want to be here. She spoke of a dream she had last night, where an unnamed goddess tested her. She wasn't sure what any of it meant, and none of the people waiting for her cared. But she came to this pub to recruit the group that would help her.

Arusu's father is the fabled Ortega. The King asked this young girl, who's the same age as me, to fill her father's shoes. She was going to lead the charge against Baramos. Three of us jumped to join her ranks, but she saw through them. They seemed fine to me, but Arusu picked three others. The first she saw was a hulking man named Tryton. He's a warrior who is never far from his sword or mirror. For all his strength, he's a very vain man.
Coincidentally, the next to join the squad was Tryton's wife, Cordy. She's a priest and is supposed to heal everyone, but she's pretty reliable with a sword. Despite that, she seemed pretty helpless for a while.
And, finally, she picked me. I understand the first two, but I didn't figure out why I was chosen. There was less hesitation towards me than anyone else. Maybe she saw my smartness?
Most of the others went home, but a fighter named Drew, his "merchant" brother, Xander, and a thief named Jessica promised to hang around if it didn't work out with Arusu's first three picks.

And so the group began their journey. The chancellor alluded to us needing the Thieves Key, which a prisoner said was on the island west of the Aliahan. But we couldn't figure out how to get there! It took a few days as we tried to come up with some teamwork strategies. Either that or our great leader was just so lazy and didn't want to travel far. After two days, we found a cave across the lake. It was surprisingly webbed and vast. An alternate exit took us north of the mountains near Reeve. Despite our training, we still lacked funds, but entering these caves seemed to give Arusu a sense of wanderlust. Eventually, we found another exit, one right under the Najimi Tower.

It was another sprawling area with multiple ways up. But one was the correct path. Each branch quickly led to a dead end or something of value. We ended up at a large red door that could only be opened with the key we sought. So we went down to try another path. We entered a room where a wise man waited for us. He knew of Arusu and the journey she was starting and gave her the Thieves Key. This key opens any red door in the world, and we utilized it to raid the castle. They seemed cool with it. We found an item that Tryton took a liking to. He became more valiant afterwards.

Our next stop was the village of Reeve. We found a book that may have changed our hero's outlook on life. After reading it, she seemed more...of a jock. A house there is home to another wise man who knew Arusu could use some help. He gave us a Magic Ball and told us it could break the seal on the Traveler's Door to the east. After passing a shrine, we entered the Cave of Enticement. Arusu used the Magic Ball, and we learned the magic in it is to explode. It was a bomb! Breaking the seal meant blowing up a wall. There was a World Map on the otherside, and the path forward was a tight maze. We found a dagger down here, which was much better than the stick I've been using. Everyone else has a sword, so I've felt left behind. Regardless, the Traveler's Door is at the top, so we avoided the pitfalls. We stepped onto the magic orb and were instantly teleported to a far off location.

Romaly was the closest castle. The King told us more about Baramos, but they have more issues with a stolen crown. After checking the shops and libraries, Cordy had a change of heart. It was still early in our journey, but she had begun to see herself as more vital to this operation than expected. Between Arusu's foolhardy tactics, Tryton's simple minded attacks, and my low vitality, she's been doing a wonderful job of keeping us alive. She's learned a lot, and she's definitely sharper than before. We explored the country and found the village of Khoryv. We didn't stay long as we'd been finding these strange trinkets called mini medals. There's a being who lives in the well of Aliahan who rewards those who bring him those medals, so we returned home and did so. Our reward was a garter belt. I...I don't know why, but knowing Arusu has that makes her...sexy. It was at this point I fell into the human entrapment, but I didn't make those feelings known."

---

It's a second person diary entry!

Apparently, this is a bad game.

The buzz around the internet is Dragon Quest II isn't as good as the first one. I don't see it.

It's true that the combination of the three mute characters doesn't equal one, and the final bosses a less fleshed out, but the gameplay and charm are there. I have a headache, so let's get down to brass tax.


What does Dragon Quest II do that sucks?
The characters and bosses. We have five instead of two, but all of them are way more boring. Three silent protagonists, an antagonist with no personality, and a precursor to Necron. Had DQI not done more with less a year ago, I could overlook this. But it did, so I can't say, "that's how it was."

...Yeah, that's the only problem I have with the game.

Everything else is so great!

I don't like how Malroth appears from nowhere, but I dig the twist. And, at least in the SNES version, it's foreshadowed. That makes the plot better.

While there are still too many pallet swamps, there are more monsters, tile sets, and stuff to look at. There's snow!

And this helps with dungeon design. Lava once was a cool mechanic. It's not all cave mazes anymore. There are several types of tower mazes, and the world map is so large that it can feel like a mini dungeon.

Despite being three boring people, they each bring something new to the table. Both our spell casters learn new spells that DQI didn't, and they're usable. That's called growth!

Dragon Quest II is still a product of its time, but I can see the modern framework showing up. I could go into detail, but it's a clear sequel to the predecessor. Doing so will just rehash old news, so I'll finish this now.


Plot: downgrade. While the twist works well enough, the bland characters still make it worse.

Gameplay: new spells, new fun. Buffs, debuffs, more spell types, and more healing give the sequel way more depth.

Art: more of the same. But there is an emphasis on more. It has snow!

Sound: rehash. The music is new, but I like how a few old tracks stay around. It's just as good as DQI.

Charm: good enough. It's not as great as before, as there are no choices. But I enjoyed the previews of future stuff with the warp gates. And the ship and expanded world was probably mind blowing thirty years ago.

I think Dragon Quest II is better than Dragon Quest I. The massive world, additional gameplay, and new artwork give this entry into the franchise a 38/50. Three more points than DQI. But I hear Dragon Quest III is even better!

Castle of Illusions

Were we prepared for the upcoming siege? We hoped so.

The terrain made for an excellent natural barrier, but we found the path north of the mountains and went around the lake. We saw the enormous castle, and it looked familiar. It was Larasia, but the usual faces didn't act how I'm used to. Everyone was worshiping Harkon. But then we remembered what we'd been told. This was all an illusion. Paul threw Rubiss' Charm into the air, and the illusion vanished. It was still quite grand, but my phony friends weren't here. We found a secret door behind the throne and proceeded (safely) across the painful floors. It was a quick walk up the few flights of Harkon's Hall, and the keep was surprisingly not defended. We met a few of his elite underlings, but Atlas, Puzuzu, and Belial posed little threat. The three power shields, Defense, and Increase were wise investments. And that left only the shocked visage of the dark priest himself.

Talking isn't any of our specialties, so we went right into the fray! Harkon was immune to most of our debuff spells, but he couldn't handle our sheer power. His magic attacks pushed us to our limits, but Paul's Increase did its job. My thunder sword felled our enemy, and Akina got her revenge.

As he called out to his dark god, we celebrated our victory. Not wanting to look like scrubs, we healed up and made sure to use our prayer rings. And it's a good thing, too.

As we tried to leave, fire erupted from the floor. Harkon's last words were to sacrifice himself to Malroth. It's time to kill a god!

He was so fast. I don't understand how Malroth acted so quickly, but we were running defense the whole battle. He occasionally tried to up his protection, so Akina negated it. Once again, Increase protected us from our opponent's fire breath. We need to find whoever made our power shields and knight them. They were our fourth party member. The worst part of this was how the god completely negated Explodet. But that means Akina was on heal duty, so the joke was on him. This went on for hours. All four of us showed no signs of slowing down until Akina saw an opening. With Malroth's eyes on me, our princess smashed the entire lightning staff over his head. The glass, electricity, and shame washed over him. Moonbrook sent their regards.

The winds around Torland changed. It felt peaceful. We won. Just as our ancestor had, the demons that once roamed the planet were gone. We revisited a few locations and got our egos stroked.
The King of Alefgard promised to come out of hiding. He's not our blood relative, right?
Paul had an argument with his sister, but uncle Sam said we should return to Larasia.
The grounds were empty, but that's because everyone was waiting for us in the throne room. The celebrations were quick to begin, but my dad decided to step down. He forced me to become King, which I didn't want to do. All this traveling has given me wanderlust, and I don't want to settle down. I snuck out during the fireworks.

Maybe you'll hear the name of Zelda again, my descendants. I want to help rebuild Moonbrook, and then who knows where I'll go. I think I overhear some angry baboons...

-Fin.

Difficulty Spike

With the Moon Fragment in hand, the Children of Ruto went to a cave blocked by coral. Akina held the stone aloft, and we killed the natural wonder of the place. It'll be fine. Inside was a volcano! Fortunately, Paul knows a spell that removes any damage from it. Magic's rad! The other gimmick here is how strangely laid out this place is. We need to go down, but there's only one staircase that takes us there. The other one thousand take us back up. But once we got to the magma pool, we were in the right place. The Eye of Malroth was guarded by two random nobodies, but I wonder how we use it? Also, what's a Malroth?

The Village of Water, Beran, has had a teleporter we haven't used. Word of advice, don't sleep at the inn. Using the keys, we went through the orb and came out in a poison field. There was a nice gremlin there that told us to go west. We did, but it was another poison field and a dead end. So we used the Eye of Malroth because why not? Suddenly, a cave opened up. We went up the first set of stairs and found the final crest, Life. There was so much more to explore, but Akina was adamant we turn all of them in.

There is a shine in the middle of the ocean, north of the volcano. We were there before, but nothing happened. Now though... Getting to the bottom (or was it the top) caused all five crests to shine. Pillars of fire activated around us, and a soothing voice spoke to us from nowhere. The voice of the goddess Rubiss told us about a pack she made with our heroic ancestor. How come we've never heard of this goddess? She's promised to protect our grandpa's lineage, and she'll continue to do so even now. The Charm of Rubiss appeared in Akina's hand, and we were promised that this could break any illusion spell. The voice faded away, and we were left with more questions.

With nowhere else to search in the wide, wide world of heros, Paul and I convinced Akina to return to the cave we got the Life Crest at. But this time, we went down. It was an incredible feat of endurance, and we hated every minute of it. But it was worth it. Fighting through metal babbles, magical birds, and dragons made us so much stronger. We also found a hat that reduces MP cost for both of my cousins. And for me, we discovered the location of Ruto's armor. Not only that, but we found a new sword after we fell down a hole. The Lightning Sword is so powerful, and I can summon lightning with it? Harkon will get what he deserves! And there was one more thing...

There was another way out. At the bottom, where we got lost, we found the exit to the snow fields of Rhone.

And then the nightmares began.

This place is nothing like the rest of the world. With every step we took, we encountered a new beast that pushed us to our limits. Lightning occasionally worked, and Paul's fire spells were similar. Sometimes Akina's Explodat would work, but it often failed to hit. There were two people in a safe monolith to the north, and we decided we'd live here for a while. If this common rabble were kicking our butts, what chance would we have against Harkon? We managed to scrounge up enough gold to get a sleek mink cloak for Paul, and we even got everyone a power shield. Paul's the only one using his as defense, and Akina and I only pull it out to heal, but it's been a lifesaver. But we'll need to be where for a while longer. Mark my words, Harkon, we will defeat you. Send us your hordes; they'll only make us stronger!

---

Things really amp up here at the end! I got everyone to level thirty or higher, so I'm hoping that's enough to finish the game tomorrow.

Crest Quest '87

"And so we traveled around the world. And what a wide world it is. And what an empty world it is.

DragonHeir had a World Map on his castle, and we took that off him. We had leads of where the other four crests are but no clue where those locals are. But we found one nearby. There's a Lighthouse south of Alefguard. It's a vertical maze, which we thought was fun, at least for a time. It's such a giant structure that Paul got a bit altitude sick. After camping out at what we thought was floor 7000, we kept heading up. Eventually, we found an old priest near the top. He offered to escort us to the crest that's hidden in the Lighthouse's depths. He kinda sucked at it, and there was only one path anyway. He took us to an enclosed room with a single chest. It was empty!

The trap was sprung, and the old man turned into four advanced gremlins. They may have been stronger than their cousins but not even remotely strong enough. One of them dropped the Star Crest.

And so, we traveled the world. Akina kept getting scurvy. Yes, you can get it multiple times. I had no idea, either. We sailed until we found everything near the sea on our map. Nothing was helpful in terms of crest hunting, but we did land at a strange, underground village. A merchant there had a hidden item. It was a key, a jailor's key. It's a skeleton key that opens every prison cell in the world. With this in hand, we returned to some old haunts. There was also an escaped convict living in a hallway, and he gave us a Floodgate Key. So many keys!

Why was there an evil demon in my castle's dungeon? He was really weak, but that might just be because Paul hit him with a Stopspell. But how did dad put him there? Akina took his Lightning Staff!

Hamlin was in a similar situation. There were two gremlins in the basement of the north house, and they held on to the Water Crest.

Back in the fisherwoman village, the massive church has two secret jails. Why was the floor so painful? Why did these people imprison a loom?

Anyway, we found another river delta south of Moonbrook. We had to take a few paths to reach it, but the village of Sluce was deeply hidden in the middle of the continent. We found a weaver who made a flowing dress for Akina, using yarn from the North Dragon Horn and the jail broken look, and the north led to a dam. Unlocking the place let the river flow south to a large tower.

The Tower of the Moon was a nice enough location. We found a fragment of the moon at the top. The legend around this is it opens a cave in the ocean somewhere. We ended up sailing for a hundred and eighty years until we landed on a small island. Paul took a nap under a tree near some teleportation orbs, and the Sun Crest stabbed him in the butt. Cool. That's for having a sword that he can swing twice in a round!

To Where it Began

I am a noble hero and would never cheat the "lottery." I am simply great at timing and won three wizard's staves, a bell, and a gold ticket that gives us a discount. Totally legitimate! Anyway, we're really strong!

Moonbrook is a small kingdom because navigating it sucks. Despite being able to see the Tower of Wind across the mountain range, we couldn't find an easy path to it. South of Hamelin is a mountain range, as is east from the castle. The only path is to go east from Hamelin and travel all around the river mouths. We found a beach at the eastern sea and took that south, beyond the impassable range. It took days, but we found the tower.

It was pretty empty and a terrible maze, mostly because we took the wrong stairwell! There were two paths up in the middle of the first floor, and both took us nowhere. Instead, all we had to do was find the not-even-remotely-hidden stairs in the northeast corner. It was a mostly straight path from there, but we found the Cloak of Wind on a north fork. Akina liked it, so she put it on. We were so high up that the winds were blowing us all about. The Cloak did not stop the wind well and actually made it worse. Akina ended up getting thrown off, and Paul and I tried to save her. This resulted in all three of us falling from the sky. But we were fine! The Cloak gave all three of us slow fall.

Far to the west, across the desert, are the Dragon Horns. An attendant informed us the two towers were once connected, but that's no longer the case. There's a river between them, but Akina wanted to fly again. We landed on the other side of the river, so we traveled north.

We eventually found the Port City of Lianport. After checking around, we stumbled upon a young girl being attacked by gremlins. We quickly dispatched them, and the girl took us to her grandfather. He runs the port and gifted us a ship as thanks for saving his progeny. To the seas, we go!

We've been following a few rumors. There's one about a sunken ship, a golden key, and a soldier from Alefguard was in Lianport. We wanted the key! Far, far to the south is Zahan. If you're ever looking for it, go north instead because that's how physics work. It's a fishing village, and all the men are working. One woman told us about her husband, who's been missing for three years, and his faithful dog. We found the pupper, and it led us to the golden key! Sure...

And now we went backtracking! We plundered the keep of Larasia and found the Token of Ruto. Paul's been hoarding Ruto's Shield! After taking a few Traveler's Warps, we wound up in a new location that felt so familiar. In the south of this continent was a priest who saw our token. He let us have Ruto's Helm that he was guarding. North of that is our motherland. It's Tintagel. The King is missing, but we found him above the weapon shop. It was oddly uneventfully. Across the channel was another castle surrounded by a poisonous swamp. We went in there.

Once again, it felt like we've been here. The walls felt backwards, but we understood something major happened in these ruined halls. As we did at the Wind Tower, we got lost in the maze of stairs. But this time, we found something! Ruto's Sword! It's not great! Blacksmithing has come a long way in 100 years. But that's not all. On a wonderful throne was a creature. He called himself Dragonlord's great grandson. He wasn't hostile and even seemed to be on our side. He warned us of Harkon and gave us clues on how to stop him. We'll need five sigils to combine them somewhere. So we went hunting for the four we haven't gotten. We accidentally got the Moon Sigil in the castle of Dirkandor from the bloodthirsty King. Now, where are the others?"

---

Dragon Quest II has the first ship. I hadn't realized FQII was released almost a year before Final Fantasy I.

The Adventure of Zelda

 No! Not that one!

Dragon Quest II comes bundled with Dragon Quest I, and it's a direct sequel. It just makes sense to play it now. It does a very unique thing when it comes to stats, and that's that they're based on the player's name. There's a calculator out there that indicates "Zelda" is the best name to have if you're going for HP and strength. Since I play on easy mode, I'm playing the third Zelda game! Fun fact: Zelda II came out a week before DQII.

"100 years ago, a Hero and his bride left Tintagel Castle after he saved the world from DragonLord. They traveled the planet, creating kingdoms as they went. When a beast no one has ever defeated, Father Time, appeared, they passed away, and their children inherited the kingdoms. And so the world was at peace. Until one day...

We're in the courtyard of Moonbrook Castle. The beautiful princess, Akina, is speaking to her father. And then the skies darkened. Monsters appeared in the castle and began to slaughter everyone. The guards stood no chance, and the King could barely take out one. He urged his daughter to run away to Castle Lorasia, but the young girl was too afraid. But one guard escaped. He made his way to Lorasia and informed the King. A man named Harkon has attacked. The soldier limped his way to the throne, and that was the last thing he ever did. And this is when I come in!

My name is Zelda, the Prince of Lorasia! I'm a descendant of the Hero Roto, and, unlike him, I'm more than willing to take the title. I never thought I would get that chance, but now's my time. It's Zelda time! But unlike my great grandpa, I'm not gonna rush headfirst into a fight. I'm smart and know it's better to stick a knife in your enemies' back. But my father has different plans. He called me to serve, and I'll do that, but the weapon he gave me is lame. A copper sword? Man! He told me to find my cousin in Samantora, to the northwest, before heading to Moonbrook, where another cousin is. Or was... And so I began my journey.

I should have learned some magic. I ran headlong to Samstown, and it didn't go well. The slimes and bats I could manage, but the giant rats were too much. And everything kept coming so fast. I couldn't keep up. I managed to stammer my way to Leftwayn. I spent time there getting my bearings. Sneaking isn't going well, so maybe I should knight it up? After managing to buy the most basic of shields, I went north to Samantora. I met my uncle, and he told me cousin Paulie also began a journey to save the world. He went east to the Spring of the Hero, so there I went. After fighting my way to the bottom, the priest told me Paul went to Lorasia to see me. And my dad said Paul went back home. And uncle said Paul never returned. But Paul's sister said he's probably nearby. It turns out he's been in Leftwayn the whole time! Uuuurrrrggggghhhhh!!!!

The path to Moonbrook goes underneath a channel south of Samstown. The priest there suggested we talk to his brother in a church south of Lorasia. Since Paulie needed some more training, we decided to head there. It was a bit of a waste since he only told us about the Silver Key, which is in the Lake Cave way out west. We went there, but we haven't found much of a use for it. But Paul learned Fireball, so it was worth it. We then went under the passage and came out to the delta area of Hamlin. It's a beautiful area, but Castle Moonbrook is nearby. It's protected by zombies, so we went carefully in after upgrading in town. There was a dog here that seemed sad but friendly.

Moonbrook was in utter ruins. It was heartbreaking. More zombies were around, as were a few sentient fires. One of whom was the ghost of the King. He told us about Akina and the curse placed on her. Harkon turned her into a dog... Hmm... Other flames told us about the Mirror of Ra, which I found in a poison swap thanks to one of the fires. Paul and I placed the Mirror before the dog in Hamelin, and it turned back into Akina! The three descendants of Roto are now together! If he was all powerful, imagine what three of him can do!? Despite her being unfit for combat, we took her to see her father's spirit. The two had a tearful farewell, and uncle Moonbrook went to the Gates of Heaven.

There's something about this that shook me. Before, I was expecting to storm into this hero role. I've been thinking this was going to be a fun weekend. But now, I'm unsure. I mean, I know we need to do this, so I'm not gonna run back home, but this is really serious. We're gonna need a way to travel, and I've heard about a special cloak nearby. After we beat this metal slime, we're gonna find it."

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Why did they give the dog a butthole!